When you truly do not want to believe that you of all people have a mental illness. Let me tell you I do not want to believe it everyday of my life. Everyday I wake up and I am just like, "why did God choose me?"
They say that God only gives you what you can handle, but some days are just too much for this girl. Have you ever sat in silence and heard another girl talking to your boyfriend in your own house, but no one was really there? That is my life almost everyday.
I recently took up counseling because I could not stand being this way anymore. Why did it take me so long to go? Well, because in my mind everything I hear and see is real. It sounds real and looks real. It is completely wild.
I seriously live my life everyday thinking my boyfriend is an asshole cheater who thinks he is cool because he has another girl living in the house. I tell him to grow some balls and be honest with me, but everyday he claims he is honest and innocent and I just cannot believe him.
Really fucked up right!? Sad part is I can't control any of it. This all started once I met Brook, which is another reason it is so hard for me to comprehend. I truly am a happy-go-lucky person, but as of recently, I have been the complete opposite.
Now I am seeking help. Every other week, I go see a therapist and I have also been put on medication. I hate medication. I never had to take anything my whole life and now I do everyday. I try to see the big picture, but it is really hard for me to do that some days.
My biggest goal right now is to be able to sleep without the tv on and to be more positive when I do see or hear shit that is not happening. I am also in a group online where other members deal with the same problems.
What is your mental illness?
