No one saw it coming. But it happened, the day after Christmas began a collisions worth of a house divided. In the end, it was better for it to happen but in the moment it was the most crushing thing to happen to a middle schooler like me. My mom told us we were going to my grandma’s house and to pack what we could, little did I know that it was the beginning of my parent’s divorce. A year and a half later my mom was living four hours away from me and my brother and our family was divided.
Growing up, I watched my older brother bounce back and forth from his dad’s house and our house but it never occurred to me that I would have to actually go through it. I never really thought my parents would get a divorce, but do many people know? Sure my parent’s fought, but it never seemed like it was to an extreme point that my mom would leave. Most kids in my grade either had parents together or divorced but they lived down the street or across town. My case was different though because not only was I living with my dad, my mom was moving to another state. When my mom made the final decision to move to Iowa I went through a roller coaster of emotions that lasted for years. First, I was excited and wanted to move with my mom because without her I couldn’t do anything (I didn’t even know how to put my hair in a pony tail). I still had so much to learn from her and seeing her only on weekends wouldn’t be enough. But once I realized moving across state lines wouldn’t make things better and I’d either miss one parent either way, I stayed with my dad. It was a strange living with my dad at first since I was used to having my mom around to do all of my mom things. But now it was time for my dad to play both the mom and father role landing him the title of “mather”. He was my real life Mr. Mom and did the best he could.
Every other weekend, I would spend my Friday evenings heading to Cedar Rapids, Iowa and spending my Sunday nights heading back home. In the summer, I would spend 3 weeks at my moms and one week at my dads making a social life near to impossible in the summer. For a while I dwelled and felt alone about having to split my time between my parents and life. There was the “Illinois Anna” who loved shopping, hanging with friends and my quirky dad. Then there was the “Iowa Anna” who loved going to the river, bonfires and hanging with my hilarious mom and her friends. I was living two lives it felt, like I was Hannah Montana trying to make the “best of both worlds”. I didn’t want to pick favorites between parents since I loved them both but it wasn’t easy. People divorce for a reason and my parent’s did for many and their issues didn’t stop between them. Both my brother and I were caught in between my parent’s turmoil no matter how hard they tried to keep us out of it. For the most part they were civil, speaking to each other only when it had to deal with us. But I knew there was still tension between them. I had friends whose parent’s were divorced which made it easier to talk about, but I never felt like I could fully relate. My friends got to live with their mom and have them around while they grew up into woman. Me on the other hand although I still had my mom, she was too far to help when I got my first period, having boy issues or needing someone to go shopping with.
With my parent’s divorce I felt I grew up much more quicker then other people. I had to learn not to always depend on having my dad to do everything and to learn things on my own since I didn’t see my mom all the time. Sure we had Skype, but it was never the same. Visiting my mom turned more into a weekend getaway then just living with my mom. I never got to leave clothes or many things behind since I didn’t know the next time i’d be there. I was always hauling back and for my whole room basically. The older I got and as I got a job during high school, the less I was able to visit my mom. But the time I got to spend with her we made worthwhile. My dad and I became more closer then we had been before and I thank him every day for doing everything he has done for me and my brother.
Sure divorce sucks and no one wishes it on their parent’s or for themselves someday but my parent’s are so much happier. Sure I wish I had my mom living down the street rather then a four hour drive but being able to escape for a little bit is nice. Sometimes the crappy things in life turn out to be great. Just because I live two separate lives doesn’t mean I don’t have a social life or good memories. Both of my parent’s made sure we still did fun things and go on vacations (lets not forget the two thanksgivings, christmases and birthday’s I get) My parent’s are civil now and can be in the same room together and socialize, they both have found great people to spend their life with and me and my brother turned out more then okay with no crazy piercings or tattoos or many "wild child moments" (something that relieved both parents) and knowing our future will be full of excitement and hope. That day December 26th, 2009 may have divided our house but it also brought us closer in other ways then we would have thought.
