No one likes the middle. It’s a fact. No one ever calls the middle seat. No one wants the middle piece of cake. They want the edges with all the frosting. Even the middle finger is considered the bad one. There’s no way that can be a coincidence.
As a middle child, I feel I am shackled to the expectation that I will never be more than the middle; doomed to a life of mediocrity. I am the third out of five children in a blended family. I’ve been called resentful, neglected, lazy that I don’t belong, and a pessimist. A Stanford University study even showed that middles are considered the most envious, least bold, and least talkative of all the birth orders.
While most middle children are considered to be wallflowers, or resentful and bitter, this is not the case. Most middles are cooperative and trusting in their friendships, and considered to be successful leaders. Out of all US presidents, 52 percent have been middle children.
Although we are seen to be neglected by both parents and researchers, this benefits us in the long run. It allows us to become more independent, think outside the box, conform less to societal norms and be more empathetic. These are all skills that employers look for, and make us excellent team players.
We are more driven than people may think. More often than not, first borns are considered to have the most drive and ambition, but middles do too. It’s often directed elsewhere and overshadowed by others. We are more oriented to principles and concepts, like justice and social issues.
Middle children often have to work harder to overcome people’s negative preconceived notions of them. We have lower self-esteem than other birth orders because of our lack of uniqueness and attention at home, but this can be positive, as we don’t have huge egos. This will also change with age, as older middles have a better sense of self and are more comfortable than their younger counterparts.
A study showed that middle children are more open-minded and adventurous about sex, but less likely to stray in a monogamous relationship than other birth orders. We are also shown to be the happiest and most satisfied in a relationship, and work well with first or last borns. Middles are also extremely permissive. We want to give our children rules and structure, but also allow them the freedom to make their own choices.
If you are a middle child and feel left out or that something is just off, remember that the amount of attention you get from your parents does not define how well you turn out. You need to be able to walk away sometimes, as not everyone has your best intentions at heart. You also need to learn to stand up for yourself when someone has pushed an issue too far. Don’t worry what people want you to do, or what people will think; you’ll be happiest if you carve your own path and take calculated risks.
You are moderate and well-balanced by nature, so don’t be afraid to rock the boat.
