A couple of months ago, a friend who I ran cross country with in high school reached out to me asking if I would be interested in participating in a video for her blog "Live Free." Her goal was to create a video that included women sharing what they have been set free from because of Christ.
Of course, I was delighted to be a part of this experience.
Now, I want to go one step further and share with you all how my Savior, Jesus Christ, has set me free.
Because of Christ, I live free from an eating disorder. An eating disorder that took over my life for nearly 8 years.
I was miserable. I was hurting. I was not just following a fad diet or doing it all for attention.
Experiences from my childhood that were out of my control brought emotions that were out of my control. Emotions that were overwhelming and too painful for me to deal with.
So what did I do? I attempted to control the one element of my life that I could control-food.
I attempted to make myself so small that no one noticed me. I thought that if I shrunk myself small enough, my problems would shrink along with me. I tried to become so small that I was no trouble for anyone.
I was trying to prevent myself from needing anyone, but the sicker I became, the more help I needed.
Not many people knew it, but I was on the verge of death when I was at my lowest point. This is still scary for me to think about, and looking at photos from that time of my life is hard. But God was not finished with me yet.
Through nearly a year of treatment in Memphis, therapy and dietician appointments at home, and daily fighting for my life, I finally learned what true recovery is.
Recovery is spontaneously going out for ice cream with friends. Recovery is cooking dinner for your family and eating it, too.
Recovery is having a snack when you wake up hungry in the middle of the night.
Recovery is saying no to going to a gym because you know it is a toxic place for you.
Recovery is sleeping in late, but still fueling your body appropriately.
Recovery is being able to go on a hike and stop for a snack if you need to.
Recovery is hard. Recovery is not linear. Recovery is a battle.
Recovery is a choice one must make every single day. Every single snack. Recovery is a journey that you must take day by day. Moment by moment.
Although I have experienced 2 of the hardest years of my life in recovery, I would not change a thing about it. Through this experience, God has molded me into the Christian woman I am today, and He's blessed me with so much more in the process.
Because of my eating disorder, I was near death.
Because of Jesus Christ, I LIVE free.
Click here to watch the "Because of Jesus" video.