Growing up, my family always made it a priority to make sure my siblings and myself had nice things, got to travel and participate in things like sports and dance. My mother gave up things like new, nice clothing, a night out with her girlfriends, and even meals at times; just to make sure that my sisters and I had a full and happy life. While I am extremely grateful for everything my mother has done for my family, I find myself wishing she took a little more time for herself.
In the past year and a half, I have learned more about the quality of life than ever before. It hasn’t always been easy. I lost friends, a boyfriend, motivation, a grasp on perspective, and at times, I even lost myself. I got so caught up in other people and their happiness that I lost who I was. Even though I am still struggling to find that person, I have learned plenty in the reconstruction of who I am.
For those who do not know me, I am someone who is inclined to put others first. Someone else is not happy? Well, Caroline, it’s your job to fix that! I am the stereotypical “fixer.” I see it as my mission in life to make sure everyone else is happy, even if it comes at a significant cost to me and my own happiness.
For a while, I wondered why I was so unhappy. Why did I come home almost every day and cry? Why was I so physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted? WHY?
The answer to all of these questions was hard to find, but I came to realize that I was literally drowning in others’ unhappiness, and never celebrating my own.
Whether it be a best friend who decided to stab you in the back, but then calls you two days later asking for a favor; or a random person who decided they knew everything about you just because they follow you on social media; or maybe an indecisive significant other, who asks the world of you; people who drain the very life out of you are not what you need or deserve.
People can be just like your favorite pair of shoes. You sometimes either grow out of them or wear them down enough that they need to be thrown out (definitely going to miss you, Tory Burch sandals -- RIP).
I know this sounds a little harsh, but there is wisdom in the instruction of the airline crew who tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself FIRST.
While there is fulfillment in helping others and ensuring they are happy, there is also much to be said for self-fulfillment. You do not always have to be a superhero to some else. Once you recognize that there should be a boundary between supporting others and actually making their problems your life, you will find that you are genuinely happy and leading a healthy lifestyle. By living a little more selfishly and a little less selflessly, you become stronger, wiser, happier and healthier.
