How do you change things for the better when you come home and get ignored by your own "friends" as you're forced to sit back and watch as everyone seems to be doing better than you? You're sitting there wondering what went wrong, how things went downhill so fast after having such a great year. Surely things were supposed to get better from here. Not go back to the way they were.

I came into college feeling lost, scared and alone in a sea of unfamiliar people. My mental health was honestly in shambles. For the longest time, home didn't feel like a safe place anymore, life at school was miserable, and I seemed to be alone in all my struggles as all my friends were living life to the fullest in their hometowns. So, I left and never looked back. I wanted to find myself again. I wanted to remember why I'm still here, what my purpose is and to really start living. Not go through the motions blindly, repeating the same monotone cycle every day.

I moved to a new place far away and left behind everything and everyone I knew to close the door on the past. Nobody knew me here, so it was time to rewrite my story. To start over in my new home. But oh my, was the road to recovery difficult. I spent countless nights awake worrying over everything. I didn't have anyone to turn to here, couldn't hop on a bus and go home for the weekend for advice, so I resorted to 3 hours of Facetime sessions with my best friend 6.5 hours away until 3 a.m to talk about everything that was bothering me. Flash forward and our conversations have reached a record of 4 hours (long distance has nothing on us.)

A year ago today, I was one click away from hitting the transfer button to a PA college closer to home because I felt insecure and wanted to take the easy way out. Everyone seemed to have a much easier time adjusting to their new lives quite easily while I was questioning my decision. I could've gone the easy route, gone somewhere else with people I already knew. But part of me hesitated, so I just saved it and never submitted anything. I might've done it, until later that month some of the greatest people walked into my life. Now I can't even imagine the past year without the endless laughs, jokes, smiles, and memories they gave me and being there for me on my worst days without me ever having to ask.

November 5th, 2018 and now I don't know how I ever thought there could be another place for me than in Ohio. It's crazy how sometimes all it takes is for God to put that one person in your path to completely turn your world around, change your perspective on life, and help you see the light on the dark days. Sometimes it was so hard to put myself out there, and I didn't enjoy feeling like a fish out of water. But what if I had just stayed in my dorm that one weekend instead of going to church? Didn't sign up for recruitment? Decided I didn't need to go to Russian club because I already know Russian? The funny thing about life is that you wake up one day and you never know when your world could do a 360 by the time you go to sleep at night, when that realization hit me, "I belong here."

It was the turning point when things finally started getting better: on big little reveal 3 days later, I got a soul sister who's so alike to me that it's a little scary, OCF gave me hope that life gets easier if I have a little faith, Russian club gave me some of the funniest nights of the school year with classmates, and a random decision to go to hockey on a Friday night with a girl I barely knew made us the best of friends from that day on. I could go on endlessly that every close friend I've met and still hang out with today here has made a positive impact on me in one way or another. College friendships have the biggest place in my heart.

I learned a lot about self-love, care and putting my trust in God because everything I go through, good or bad and every person in my life is in it for a good purpose. It's scary to not know what the future holds or if I'd be able to handle it, but I know now that I was never alone. I always had someone there I just needed time to see that.

It is so important to trust your heart and ignore the doubts that creep into your head, making you question your every move. Sometimes the hardest battle is the one you have with yourself. Transferring would've been the biggest mistake I ever made. Moving to a state I had only been to 3 times and knew absolutely no one at has been the greatest journey; it's been absolutely life-changing and better than I ever imagined. I'm ten times happier, stronger and more independent than I was when I left high school.

I've never felt so alive as I do now and I'm so grateful for all the blessings I've been given. All it took was a little courage and hope for the future to change things around

Smile more.