How To Live Like Diogenes

How To Live Like Diogenes

The essential guide to becoming a homeless philosopher.

If leading a glamorous life of accumulating superfluous amounts of material possessions is what you wish to do- then you should probably not waste your time reading this article. The advice I will provide you with here will only teach you how to lead a shameless life, as modeled by Diogenes of Sinope- an ancient Cynic philosopher whose life choices bordered on savagery (Note that I am using the term “savagery” as it is understood by the modern vernacular).

Diogenes’ early beginnings involved criminal acts of currency debasement, which resulted in his banishment to Athens- where he lived as a beggar. Therefore, if one wishes to lead a lifestyle similar to Diogenes’, one must first become homeless. So, ditch your family and possessions, find yourself a barrel and go live by a temple! As written records have it, Diogenes lived in a barrel by the temple of Cybele- where he was often seen strolling around half-naked. Oh, would you look at that! As long as you accept your poverty as a virtue, just as Diogenes did, you also could be perambulating around town half-naked!

In order to live like Diogenes one must obviously act like Diogenes and that means, do whatever it is that pleases you. I’m serious, do whatever you’d like to do. Wish to defecate in public? Go ahead! Want to pee on people you dislike? Yea, sure, do it! Although it was considered extremely rude to defecate in public- even in ancient times- Diogenes often did so anyway. He often urinated on those whom he disliked, too! Those were not the only rules Diogenes failed to respect though. He also frequently ate at marketplace, even though it was prohibited to do so in ancient Greece. When asked why he chose to eat there he simply replied saying that it was at the marketplace that he felt hungry. What a savage!

You may be wondering why he chose to act in such ways, and that was because he believed that if an act is not shameful when performed in private, then it must also not be shameful when performed in public. It was his belief in such interesting ethical concepts that led him to publicly perform actions such as masturbation without any sense of shame. Although appalled by his conduct, the people of Athens showed great respect towards Diogenes and often praised his wisdom. Perhaps we should all ignore our inhibitions and start acting as we please!

Another thing you must do in order to live like Diogenes is to sabotage the work of those whose opinions you disagree with. It is said that Diogenes was not very fond of Plato’s teachings and often chose to eat while Plato delivered lectures and speeches, that way people would not be able to focus during the lectures. Clearly, Diogenes did not care about what people thought about him and just acted as he pleased. Perhaps he’d be considered a madman if he were born in our times…

In any case, that is all! By following these simple steps, I am quite sure you too will be a homeless, old man creeping people out on the streets in no time!


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