In the summer, a friend invited me to watch Suicide Squad with his group of friends and while it was an okay movie, one line from the movie stuck with me. Now, I am not a huge superhero movie fan, so stay with me here.

The line came from the scene where Harley Quinn was just becoming Harley Quinn. Joker asked her "Will you die for me?" eyeing the bubbling pots of whatever it was. Chemicals probably. Now, of course, the answer Harley Quinn replied with was yes. Because that's the most simple way to serve someone. You don't have to deal with the consequences or troubles that life brings us. Then Joker realized this simplicity of death and service. He asked Harley Quinn, "Will you live for me?" Of course, she responded yes and jumped into the pots of chemicals. But that's besides the point.

So often in our life we joke about killing ourselves because of a simple exam or being too stressed out, etc. When the Joker asked Harley Quinn to live for him, I thought to myself: One, Rikki, you are watching a movie with friends, don't analyze the movie, and two, I don't think I could live for someone. How easy it is to die for your country or joke about killing yourself because of loads of schoolwork. How easy is it to tell yourself blindly that the end result is death and to accept it as such. It's super easy. Just look at Romeo and Juliet. They would rather die for each other. But to live for someone? That's like a sacrifice for the rest of your life. Everyday you have a goal to stay with someone. It's almost like a marriage contract. Now, I'm only a wee young adult, but I can't even imagine marrying anyone right now. I can't imagine seeing this one person every single day and devote my life to them. I can't imagine giving my all into one topic for my future career. And Harley Quinn gave her life to Joker. With a simple yes. How simple it is to lose everything for one thing with one word.

I guess it wasn't the fact that Harley Quinn gave up everything for the Joker that bothered me. I think it was the idea of having meaning in my own life. It's not like I don't have meaning in my life; I have friends, family, professors, etc. I don't have to live for any of those things. Friends will come and go, and while some may stay, I won't have to live for them. And vice versa. As for family, yes, they are a part of my life but since experiencing college, I've learned to branch out from them. I don't do everything in order to satisfy them. I started to do things because I wanted to do them. Professors provide me education and school work to help me step closer to find what I want to do with my life. Everything gives a little bit of meaning to my life, but nothing as strong as Harley Quinn's love for the Joker. It seems like a first world problem, trying to find something that I love as much as the two villains love for each other, but I guess that's why it's kind of upsetting. My parents were first generation and worked to survive. I'm second generation and I, technically, don't really need to work to survive. I have to find my passion. Find a job I love. And, I guess, in some ways I'm lucky. But in others I'm terrified. I guess there's a much needed self esteem boost session for me. It's only a hope to find something that will make me happy for the rest of my life. Until then, "live for me" is only a daunting nightmare.