Have you ever wondered whether someone that was supposed to love you truly loved you? Such as a partner, a parent, a sibling, a best friend that just didn’t show love? I know I’ve been in situations where I wondered whether I was loving wrong, or I thought I wasn’t being shown love in the way I thought I deserved. But love... I discovered that love can be shown in countless ways! Not all ways are obvious or filled with affection, but that doesn’t mean that someone isn't trying to show you how much you mean to them.
I learned to understand that love can be shown in many ways that aren’t always obvious to the eye. Sometimes, people weren’t shown love while they were growing up, which may make it difficult to express. Some people are not as honest with their feelings so they may even come off as cold, or unloving. My father wasn’t shown much affection when he was younger, which may be why his expression of love is a little different. Hugs weren’t normal, and we don’t have that much in common. But I started to see that when he asked me whether I wanted to go with him to Costco to run errands, it was his way of saying he wanted to spend time with me. When he tells me to email him math problems I don’t understand, it’s because he wants to help me. The one I dreaded (but silently appreciated) was him telling me to come home before dark, because he worried about my safety. It’s only dreadful because some days, the sun sets at 4, and it’s no fun to go home at 4 p.m.
Learning to understand the different ways that love can be shown has taught me to show love in different ways. Sometimes I’ll go with obvious ways, such as leaving nice notes for someone, or asking them to message me when they’ve safely arrived at home. Sometimes I’ll ask if someone has eaten, and if they haven’t, I will encourage them to eat or feed them myself to show them that their health is important to me.
Lately I have been reminding myself to understand that not everyone is going to have the same amount of love that you have to give. But that doesn’t mean that they’re not loving you with everything they have. For instance, say you have a tall cup and a shorter cup. Let the cups represent your heart and someone else’s heart. The short cup’s full capacity may only be half of the taller cup’s capacity, meaning that someone’s 100% effort may only look like 50% effort. It’s important to recognize that though our hearts may still be able to grow in love capacity, other people are growing at their own rate. You can’t tell someone to “make more of an effort” when they’re already giving you their all. By learning this, it has taught me to become more understanding whenever I am faced with distress within relationships. Instead of becoming upset, I’m learning to see how our efforts can work together to help our relationships thrive.
The media nowadays is an easy place for people to make their life appear perfect. Perfect couple photos, exciting friendship photos, loving sibling photos, adventurous photos -- but they don’t always reveal what happens behind the scenes of the photo. Yes, sometimes they are as happy as they look, but often, in reality, things can be different. Couples can get into arguments, sometimes about something stupid. Sometimes friends turn against each other because of backstabbing. Maybe you’re not too fond of your sibling, but you want the world to believe you do.
The point is, we have been brainwashed by technology to want the “perfect” relationship, whether it’s with a family member, your significant other, or friends. Some think that posting a photo about someone on media constitutes as love. I have seen people post photos saying “happy birthday, I love you” to “friends,” yet hear them gossip about them the very next day. What you see isn’t always what you think it is. Posting about them doesn’t always count as love, and not posting about them doesn’t mean you don’t love them.
That being said, love doesn’t have to be displayed for the whole world to see to “count” as love. I can get 60 likes on a photo of someone I care about, but the likes don’t even matter to me when I just think about how much of a gift it is to have them in my life. Love is a magical thing, and love doesn’t ask for much. It asks for your attention, your ears for listening, a heart for empathy, and your presence; that in itself is a gift.
Sometimes it’s obvious, and sometimes it’s not. Love doesn’t need to be shown to the world or bragged about. It can be sweet, it can be thoughtful, it can be silent, and it asks for a spot in your heart.
