We've all experienced it, the slow fade of a relationship, be it friend or partner. You're so close to someone one day, but then you find yourself a little more distant each time you talk. You used to be able to pick right up wherever you left off, like no time had passed, but now? You used to know each other so well that you could finish each others sentences. Now you don't even know what the other person is talking about. Suddenly companionable silence evolves into awkward silence. You used to know each other so well, but now you find yourself living just outside of their world. So how do you learn to let go? How do you let this relationship die? You've put work, time, tears, and your heart into being with this person and sharing life with them. Giving up on that feels like letting a part of yourself go. It's never easy, in fact it can be one of the hardest things a person can go through. No one likes to have to say goodbye. We are creatures of habit and comfort, and losing someone throws off our habits and makes us uncomfortable.
Letting go, and losing people is an unfortunate -- and fortunate part of life. As we let go of the people that we have grown distant from, we are opened up to be able to take on new relationships. I recently found myself in exactly this situation. My best friend of 9 years got married. Over the last couple of years I could feel our relationship moving further and further apart, until it became more cordial acquaintance than true best friend. This was a much easier process for her because she was actively making new friends and was moving on in a healthy way. I couldn't seem to do that. I pathetically held on to the last dying vestiges of what we had had as teenagers in high school. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her as my best friend. What I couldn't admit to myself though, was that I already had. Our lives had gone in different directions. Over time I was able to do the same thing -- the healthy thing, and that was make friends and move on. We are both happy now, and I am happy for her in her new life. As I sat at the back of her wedding I was not bitter that I was being pushed aside, but rather I felt fortunate to be able to be there as she began this happy new chapter of her life. I was given the chance at a proper goodbye. I danced with her at the reception and when I kissed her goodbye I felt the weight of the world slide off my shoulders. I had been so afraid to lose the relationship I had with her, but now I know that the time we had together will always be there. We are both better people for having been in each others lives, but now our lives were going in different directions and that we had changed. It was time to move on.
The same can be said for romantic relationships. Sometimes the person you love changes -- or maybe you change. I was in a relationship that began with such passion! We both loved each other, and that much was clear. We wanted to spend every moment that we could together, but then life began to get in the way. His business began to take off, my schedule began to become very busy as school, work, and internships began to pile up. Suddenly we were seeing less of each other and fighting every time we did get together. We both started wanting different things. I still loved him, but we were moving in very different directions. We moved so far apart that we eventually snapped. We were broken. Another goodbye. They're never easy, but are simply a part of life. Sometimes for new life -- and in this case new relationships to begin -- the old has to fade and die. The best thing we can do is take the good with the bad. Stop and assess. What have you learned in the process of this relationship? How has it changed you and made you a better person? How has it made the other person better? What would you do differently?
Take these questions and grow. Allow yourself to heal, be happy, and move on. Sometimes people are placed in our lives for a short time, just to make us who we need to be -- and thats okay.
