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Literally Every Thought That Goes Through Your Head If You Have Laryngitis In NYC

Laryngitis is basically the armpit of all sicknesses. It doesn’t really hurt, but dealing with it is a serious pain in the ass

Tabitha Shiflett

Feb 29, 2016

Parsons

Literally Every Thought That Goes Through Your Head If You Have Laryngitis In NYC

Wordpress

For those of you who don’t know, Laryngitis is when your larynx becomes inflamed and sucks any voice that you have out of your soul in an Ursula-like fashion. Then, once you’re an involuntarily mute slave, you’re not allowed to have anything that brings you joy – these things being alcohol, coffee, and chocolate.

1. “Hmm, this is kind of nice. I don’t have to speak because I physically can’t, which is somehow a legit excuse, even in graduate school.”

2. “Okay, so how am I supposed to order coffee?”

3. “Or go to the tanning bed?”

4. “Or basically do anything ever that gives me happiness?”

5. “This is starting to get annoying. My roommate is over there mouth-breathing/vacuuming in her food, and I’m just sitting here taking it.”

6. “Food. That reminds me… Seamless.”

7. “But, I can’t answer the phone when the delivery person calls. I wonder if he/she can text me? Is that a thing? I’m pretty sure that’s a thing.”

8. “Sh*t. I have a meeting tomorrow morning. This should go swell. I’m sure they’ll believe me when I send an email the night before stating ‘I’ve lost my voice.’”

9. “I should go anyway. I can definitely go anyway.”

10. “I sound like a mouse. No, not even a mouse. Or any type of cute thing for that matter. I LITERALLY sound like a dying rat whose vocal chords have been ripped out by the wheels of a food cart.”

11. “I was actually pretty excited about the event tonight, until I involuntarily decided to become a mute.”

12. “I should just hold up a sign that reads, 'I took a religious vow of silence,' then people will respect me. They’ll be like, ‘wow, that chick is wise AF.’”

13. “Of course every single person on the subway is going to ask me if we’re headed towards [insert their part of town here].”

14. “And of course I’m nice enough to try to whisper out an unintelligible ‘yes.’”

15. “Did he just tell me to quit smoking? Oh the Post-It notes are coming out now.”

16. “Totally do not regret carrying these around now.”

17. “Oh, yay. Alcohol, which is the exact opposite of what I should be drinking right now.”

18. “Would casually sliding a Post-it with a note on it to the cute guy be completely romantic or horror-story weird?”

19. “Well, from the looks on his face, it’s the latter.”

20. “Can I just go to sleep, now?”

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Literally Every Thought That Goes Through Your Head If You Have Laryngitis In NYC

Laryngitis is basically the armpit of all sicknesses. It doesn’t really hurt, but dealing with it is a serious pain in the ass

1. “Hmm, this is kind of nice. I don’t have to speak because I physically can’t, which is somehow a legit excuse, even in graduate school.”

2. “Okay, so how am I supposed to order coffee?”

3. “Or go to the tanning bed?”

4. “Or basically do anything ever that gives me happiness?”

5. “This is starting to get annoying. My roommate is over there mouth-breathing/vacuuming in her food, and I’m just sitting here taking it.”

6. “Food. That reminds me… Seamless.”

7. “But, I can’t answer the phone when the delivery person calls. I wonder if he/she can text me? Is that a thing? I’m pretty sure that’s a thing.”

8. “Sh*t. I have a meeting tomorrow morning. This should go swell. I’m sure they’ll believe me when I send an email the night before stating ‘I’ve lost my voice.’”

9. “I should go anyway. I can definitely go anyway.”

10. “I sound like a mouse. No, not even a mouse. Or any type of cute thing for that matter. I LITERALLY sound like a dying rat whose vocal chords have been ripped out by the wheels of a food cart.”

11. “I was actually pretty excited about the event tonight, until I involuntarily decided to become a mute.”

12. “I should just hold up a sign that reads, 'I took a religious vow of silence,' then people will respect me. They’ll be like, ‘wow, that chick is wise AF.’”

13. “Of course every single person on the subway is going to ask me if we’re headed towards [insert their part of town here].”

14. “And of course I’m nice enough to try to whisper out an unintelligible ‘yes.’”

15. “Did he just tell me to quit smoking? Oh the Post-It notes are coming out now.”

16. “Totally do not regret carrying these around now.”

17. “Oh, yay. Alcohol, which is the exact opposite of what I should be drinking right now.”

18. “Would casually sliding a Post-it with a note on it to the cute guy be completely romantic or horror-story weird?”

19. “Well, from the looks on his face, it’s the latter.”

20. “Can I just go to sleep, now?”

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Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

It's mandatory to have these conversations.

1. What do you do for a living?

2. What's your favorite color?

3. Do you have any siblings?

4. What's your favorite television show?

5. When is your birthday?

6. What's your biggest goal in life?

7. If you had three wishes granted to you by a genie, what would they be?

8. What's your favorite childhood memory?

9. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

10. Are you a cat or a dog person?

11. Do you believe in a religion or any sort of spiritual power?

12. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

13. What is your ideal date night?

14. Who was/is your celebrity crush?

15. What's a good way to cheer you up if you're having a bad day?

16. Do you have any tattoos?

17. Can you describe yourself in three words?

18. What makes you the most nervous in life?

19. What's the best gift you have ever received?

20. What do you do to relax/have fun?

21. What are your priorities at this phase of your life?

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

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You know the best beaches and coves to go to.

You have no patience for the guy who can't back his trailer into the water right.

Doing the friendly wave to every boat you pass.

The cooler is always packed, mostly with beer.

Giving the idiot who goes 30 in a "No Wake Zone" a piece of your mind.

You have no problem with peeing in the water.

You know the frustration of getting your anchor stuck.

Watching in awe at the bigger, better boats that pass by.

Knowing any swimsuit that you own with white in it is best left for the pool or the ocean.

The momentary fear for your life as you get launched from the tube.

You're able to go to the restaurants by the water wearing minimal clothing.

Having unexpected problems with your boat.

Having a name for your boat unique to you and your life.

There's no better place you'd rather be in the summer.

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

1. My school is incredibly unique.

2. I am not just a number at my school.

3. I feel like I am contributing something to the community.

5. My professors know me and I feel that I can easily communicate with them.

6. The incredible people I've met

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