For those of you who don’t know, Laryngitis is when your larynx becomes inflamed and sucks any voice that you have out of your soul in an Ursula-like fashion. Then, once you’re an involuntarily mute slave, you’re not allowed to have anything that brings you joy – these things being alcohol, coffee, and chocolate.
1. “Hmm, this is kind of nice. I don’t have to speak because I physically can’t, which is somehow a legit excuse, even in graduate school.”
2. “Okay, so how am I supposed to order coffee?”
3. “Or go to the tanning bed?”
4. “Or basically do anything ever that gives me happiness?”
5. “This is starting to get annoying. My roommate is over there mouth-breathing/vacuuming in her food, and I’m just sitting here taking it.”
6. “Food. That reminds me… Seamless.”
7. “But, I can’t answer the phone when the delivery person calls. I wonder if he/she can text me? Is that a thing? I’m pretty sure that’s a thing.”
8. “Sh*t. I have a meeting tomorrow morning. This should go swell. I’m sure they’ll believe me when I send an email the night before stating ‘I’ve lost my voice.’”
9. “I should go anyway. I can definitely go anyway.”
10. “I sound like a mouse. No, not even a mouse. Or any type of cute thing for that matter. I LITERALLY sound like a dying rat whose vocal chords have been ripped out by the wheels of a food cart.”
11. “I was actually pretty excited about the event tonight, until I involuntarily decided to become a mute.”
12. “I should just hold up a sign that reads, 'I took a religious vow of silence,' then people will respect me. They’ll be like, ‘wow, that chick is wise AF.’”
13. “Of course every single person on the subway is going to ask me if we’re headed towards [insert their part of town here].”
14. “And of course I’m nice enough to try to whisper out an unintelligible ‘yes.’”
15. “Did he just tell me to quit smoking? Oh the Post-It notes are coming out now.”
17. “Oh, yay. Alcohol, which is the exact opposite of what I should be drinking right now.”
18. “Would casually sliding a Post-it with a note on it to the cute guy be completely romantic or horror-story weird?”
