Oh, the teenage years.

Filled with changes, emotions, puberty, angst, tempers, rules and broken rules, curfews and calculus, failed tests (multiple kinds), awkward dates, and above all... opinions.

Yes, opinions. Opinions that matter to them.

I'm a youth pastor at a good-sized church in Adair, OK. I deal with teenagers everyday. At times they are some of the most fun people to be around (our youth group is currently engaged in the middle of a car-tagging turf war) and at other times they make you scratch your head so hard that you go bald.

And while I am trying to instill not only my/their faith into them, I'm working on teaching them morality and how to be a good person. I'm trying to educate them and prepare them for the adult life, all while trying to be there for their surgeries and softball games.

And many a time comes up when they want to talk, whether it be about life or what their parents are going through or how they keep messing up in this certain area/sin, etc.

So here's my two options when we go grab some Sonic slushes and chat:

I could tell them like it is. I could light a fire. You know what I'm talking about. Look, I'm pretty sure no one disagrees with me when I say teenagers can be very wrong about some things in life. They are run by emotion and anger and peer pressure and immaturity. And, as an adult, it's very easy to look at them with contempt and shake our heads.

But this isn't what they need. Nobody, teenagers most of all, wants to be yelled/lectured/talked at for minutes upon end, forced to just listen to the drivel. Even if everything the other person is saying is %100 accurate, it still doesn't matter.

So what is my second option?

To listen. Yes to listen. Even if they are dead wrong (and we know it), it is so important to shut up and give them a chance to communicate their feelings. Then we can come in with our suggestions and thoughts. Communication, even with teenagers, works both ways.

You might have a hard time to get a teen to open up, but it's probably because they aren't used to speaking their mind and saying what is on their heart. Keep trying. Keep asking them what they think.

So parents, grandparents, youth workers, teachers, etc., just give a listen next time. Trust me. It has made all the difference.

What's the old saying? "They don't care how much you know, till they know how much you care."

Cheesy but true.