Listening To My Intuition Saved Me From Marrying The Wrong Person

Listening To My Intuition Saved Me From Marrying The Wrong Person

It's important to listen to your gut.
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I was 22 years old when I got engaged.

It was February 2013, I don't recall the exact date. I had been dating my now ex-fiance' for two years and I had no idea that he was going to propose. I thought I was happy with him. Well, I was pretending to be happy. That relationship wasn't healthy. He enjoyed antagonizing me and calling me names like "stupid" and "doe-doe bird". He even went as far as calling me "retarded". He wasn't a nice person. He insisted he was joking, but words hurt and can be abusive.

Still, on that sunny February day, I remember getting ready to go out dinner with my ex and another couple that are still great friends of mine. I don't want to go into great detail, but I remember his fraternity brothers showing up and hanging out in the living room. As I continued to apply my makeup and curl my hair, he began yelling my name. Yes, he yelled at me to come to the living room.

Exasperated with his rudeness, I walked out the living room where he got down on one knee and asked, "Jessica, will you marry me?"

I was stunned. My jaw dropped. It didn't seem real. I felt the eyes of our mutual friends on me, waiting for me to make a decision.

All I could muster was a "yes" as I pretended to act all giddy and excited like a woman acting in a TV show or a movie.

The idea of getting married was exciting to me; I couldn't wait to shop for a dress, pick out a venue, and ask some of my closest friends to be my bridesmaids. Next thing I know, I had bridesmaids, I bought a dress, picked out a venue and everything was in motion. We had even set a date: July 19, 2014.

A small voice inside of my head kept telling me, "This isn't right, don't do it."

I tried to ignore it, but it kept getting louder as the time went on and the wedding date got closer. I began to feel sick to my stomach and depressed. It wasn't right and I knew it, but I didn't know how to end it. I had settled for what I thought I deserved.

Two months before I was supposed to get married, I found myself feeling even more depressed, anxious and hopeless. The voice in my head was louder. Even my family kept telling me, "You don't have to walk down that aisle." (They didn't care for him all too much.)

"DON'T DO IT. YOU WON'T BE HAPPY."

Finally, I talked to my parents. I broke down crying, letting out all of the pent-up emotions and feelings I had been holding in for three years. I also talked with my aunt who had been in a similar situation when she was my age.

It was difficult, but I broke off the engagement over the phone since my ex was working out in North Dakota. He was heartbroken and I felt bad, but I knew I had done myself a huge favor by listening to my intuition and saving myself from a marriage that most certainly would have ended in divorce and heartache. Plus, I wasn't happy with my ex-fiance' and never truly was.

Fast forward to now, I'm forever grateful I listened to the voice in my head and paid attention to my body, mind and soul. My intuition saved me from a life of unhappiness and marrying the wrong person.

If you're feeling unsure about a major life decision, such as getting married or taking a new job, listen to your intuition and pay attention to your body. If there's a voice inside of your head telling you "NO!", it's best to listen to it.

I listen to my intuition every day and it is almost never wrong. It's usually always right. If your gut is trying to tell you something, stop and listen to it. It could mean the difference between happiness and unhappiness or even something as serious as life or death.

This quote about intuition sums up the idea of listening to ourselves quite well:

"Trusting our intuition often saves us from disaster." - Anne Wilson Schaef


Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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To The 20-Year-Old Girl Dating A 45-Year-Old Man, From The Child Of An Age Gap Relationship

Please know what your getting into.
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Recently, I've seen a few stories on the Odyssey discussing age gap in relationships.

They all seem to be written by girls who are dating men who are 20 years or more their senior. The articles talk about how love is love, the heart wants what it wants and that no one will change their mind about their relationship. I respect everyone's right to their opinion and their happiness. If you really think it works for you, then go for it. However, you should know what you are getting into completely before fully committing to this.

I am a child of parents with a large age gap. My dad is 23 years older than my mom. They got married when he was 50 and she was 26. My dad was 65 by the time I was born. I love my parents but here's why I think we should be wary of large age gap relationships

Disclaimer: my parents both know and understand my feelings on this. They know I wrote this article and that they are mentioned. I wouldn't trade or change them or their relationship. My parents have provided me with a wonderful life full of love, family, and happiness. Because of them, I've been given financial stability, a safe environment, an education and a huge, loving family. Things have worked out for our family, especially given the circumstances. However, that doesn't mean I would recommend a large age gap relationship. It may seem like nothing now, but the years between you and your significant other will catch up to you.

My dad is now 86 and struggling. He has trouble taking care of himself.

He needs help with almost everything. He can't be left alone for more than an hour or two. He has nurses come three times a week to help with his care. He needs someone present when my mom leaves the house to work part-time. His memory is fading, his health is declining and it seems that he slips out of lucidity more often these days.

My mom is now a full-time caregiver more than a wife.

She does an amazing job making sure my dad is content and taken care of. However, it is draining. She is still young enough to want to go out and do things. She wants to go on vacations and hang out friends. But most of the time, she is at home watching my dad. She is following her wedding vows to a tee but that doesn't mean it is easy. She struggles with guilt sometimes over the entire situation.

Then there is me. Because of my parents' age gap, I have been put in a difficult place.

I've had to watch my dad slip away physically and mentally for a good portion of my life. I try to help out but it is not always an easy thing to do. I will go watch TV with him so my mom can get out for an hour. Unfortunately, I usually end up calling her home because something arises that I can't handle alone. I have gone over to their house many times to help pick my dad up because he fell and refuses to let someone call the EMTs. I have changed college and life plans in order to stay close to home. I have known since I was little that my dad most likely won't be there for my wedding. He won't meet my children. I have struggled with my relationship with him due to the immense age gap. It is all I have ever known but it is something that still greatly affects me. I love my dad with everything I have, but that doesn't make the situation easier.

So my warning to you is this; be prepared for what is down the road.

Know that your age difference of 18 and 40 doesn't seem like anything now but it will at 60 and 82. It will be difficult for everyone involved. As a wife, you will slowly watch the man you loved slip away. Your kids will have to deal with struggles that no one else will understand. It is a lonely and painful situation. Before you make any drastic decisions, please understand what is coming.

If you decide that is what's right for you, then, by all means, go for it! but just understand the consequences of your choices.

Cover Image Credit: PX Here

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Loving Someone Was The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me, But So Was Heartbreak

"To know love, we must know heartbreak. As much as I wish people never had to feel heartbreak, it's vital to successful relationships. You took the risk once, well aware that this could happen. Looking back, it is still the best thing that ever happened to you, despite the pain."
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Being in love was arguably the greatest thing that ever happened to me; there is nothing better than finding someone who completes you. When you meet this person, you won't remember how you ever lived without him or her.

Being in love, you transform into someone new.

Every day of your life suddenly becomes the best day when you're with this person. When you hear his or her name, you feel butterflies you can't control.

When you see the person, you're able to smile bigger than you thought humanly possible. Any obstacle seems small because you know your love for each other can overcome it.

You trust this person more than any person in your life. That's why you offer something so valuable: your heart.

You trust this person with every secret. With tears in your eyes, you share dark secrets from your past that still haunt you, and your partner accepts you, regardless.

Being in love is the happiest state in which to live. You have someone who is constantly looking out for you, everywhere you are.

Every love song you hear suddenly reminds you of this, and you used to make fun of your friends who were so were touched by love.

There is a reason for all of the songs and the movies, and there is a reason why people want to have it so badly. It is all it's cracked up to be, and anyone who wants to argue that has probably never been in true love.

But, to fully experience all that love entails requires you to see the other end of the spectrum.

You will never appreciate love as much as those who have fully experienced it, and you will never believe in its power until your world turns completely upside down with two words: "It's over."

When you get your heart broken, no amount of alcohol or talking about it, or anything else can make you feel better.

To love is to become vulnerable to the awful things it can bring: crying yourself to sleep every night, overanalyzing, listening to the most depressing music ever, talking about it to anyone who will listen.

Being heartbroken feels like everything in your life is frozen, like you are stuck in a black hole, falling. Just when you think it will stop, something worse happens.

Along with not recognizing your own reflections, as it takes everything in you to get through a day and look somewhat presentable, you no longer recognize your ex.

Despite everything this person did to you, you would do anything for him or her, if need be.

That's the thing about love; when you find yourself in this desperate dark hole, and you still have the ability to love, that's how you know love is so much stronger than heartbreak.

I hate seeing people who get dumped because I know how hard it is, and I know there is nothing I can say or do to make the pain go away.

But, what I can say is that one day, you will see clearly. One day, that pain you feel every day will stop. One day, things will be better.

To fully know love and appreciate love, you must first know heartbreak. When people get hurt, they decide they never want to feel that low again; they close themselves off to love.

They bury themselves in work and school and everything else to avoid ever opening up to someone so fully. It's OK to stay protected.

It's true that someone will never know you the way your first love did because first loves (specifically, first heartbreaks) change people.

You come to learn about how naïve you were with your first love. But, if you're open to it, you will love again. When you get hurt, you will learn to appreciate the future more.

To know love, we must know heartbreak.

As much as I wish people never had to feel heartbreak, it's vital to successful relationships. You took the risk once, well aware that this could happen. Looking back, it is still the best thing that ever happened to you, despite the pain.

Love and heartbreak are on two ends of the same spectrum; to know one, you must know the other. Know that if you are feeling sad and in the dark, things can only get better and brighter.

Cover Image Credit: kurt-b / Flickr

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