Listening To My Intuition Saved Me From Marrying The Wrong Person

Listening To My Intuition Saved Me From Marrying The Wrong Person

It's important to listen to your gut.

I was 22 years old when I got engaged.

It was February 2013, I don't recall the exact date. I had been dating my now ex-fiance' for two years and I had no idea that he was going to propose. I thought I was happy with him. Well, I was pretending to be happy. That relationship wasn't healthy. He enjoyed antagonizing me and calling me names like "stupid" and "doe-doe bird". He even went as far as calling me "retarded". He wasn't a nice person. He insisted he was joking, but words hurt and can be abusive.

Still, on that sunny February day, I remember getting ready to go out dinner with my ex and another couple that are still great friends of mine. I don't want to go into great detail, but I remember his fraternity brothers showing up and hanging out in the living room. As I continued to apply my makeup and curl my hair, he began yelling my name. Yes, he yelled at me to come to the living room.

Exasperated with his rudeness, I walked out the living room where he got down on one knee and asked, "Jessica, will you marry me?"

I was stunned. My jaw dropped. It didn't seem real. I felt the eyes of our mutual friends on me, waiting for me to make a decision.

All I could muster was a "yes" as I pretended to act all giddy and excited like a woman acting in a TV show or a movie.

The idea of getting married was exciting to me; I couldn't wait to shop for a dress, pick out a venue, and ask some of my closest friends to be my bridesmaids. Next thing I know, I had bridesmaids, I bought a dress, picked out a venue and everything was in motion. We had even set a date: July 19, 2014.

A small voice inside of my head kept telling me, "This isn't right, don't do it."

I tried to ignore it, but it kept getting louder as the time went on and the wedding date got closer. I began to feel sick to my stomach and depressed. It wasn't right and I knew it, but I didn't know how to end it. I had settled for what I thought I deserved.

Two months before I was supposed to get married, I found myself feeling even more depressed, anxious and hopeless. The voice in my head was louder. Even my family kept telling me, "You don't have to walk down that aisle." (They didn't care for him all too much.)


Finally, I talked to my parents. I broke down crying, letting out all of the pent-up emotions and feelings I had been holding in for three years. I also talked with my aunt who had been in a similar situation when she was my age.

It was difficult, but I broke off the engagement over the phone since my ex was working out in North Dakota. He was heartbroken and I felt bad, but I knew I had done myself a huge favor by listening to my intuition and saving myself from a marriage that most certainly would have ended in divorce and heartache. Plus, I wasn't happy with my ex-fiance' and never truly was.

Fast forward to now, I'm forever grateful I listened to the voice in my head and paid attention to my body, mind and soul. My intuition saved me from a life of unhappiness and marrying the wrong person.

If you're feeling unsure about a major life decision, such as getting married or taking a new job, listen to your intuition and pay attention to your body. If there's a voice inside of your head telling you "NO!", it's best to listen to it.

I listen to my intuition every day and it is almost never wrong. It's usually always right. If your gut is trying to tell you something, stop and listen to it. It could mean the difference between happiness and unhappiness or even something as serious as life or death.

This quote about intuition sums up the idea of listening to ourselves quite well:

"Trusting our intuition often saves us from disaster." - Anne Wilson Schaef

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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My Poem To You

this is the "love letter" I never got to send in the mail... enjoy

You played a vital role in my destruction,

you did things and said things without even thinking of the repercussions.

You played the part

of the man that broke my heart.

For so long I gave you standing ovations and begged for an encore...

but not anymore.

After second and third and fourth chances,

I started paying attention to the glances

from bystanders in public, when you would throw your fits.

From my friends and my family, who all begged me to quit.

So I tried to get through to you... but when I asked you to hear me out,

you made me think that I was crazy for having some doubt.

You told me "Things will change," and reminded me of the guy I once knew,

so I stayed- just one more time- in hopes that you would come through.

But you didn't. You went right back to throwing commands of what I could and could not do,

making me feel as though I would be nothing without you.

So now I know, I had valid reason for feeling the way that I did,

because you didn't love me- even thought that's what you said.

Because when you love someone, you don't rip their heart to shreds,

and make the dark emotions their newly found warm bed.

You deserve to feel exactly what I felt,

and then maybe- just maybe- your heart of ice will melt.

Because once you feel pain, once you feel hurt,

emotions- the good ones- become your saving grace... almost like a church.

Believe me my darling, you were a dream, but oh- you were a nightmare.

You taught me that it's not the closets or under the bed that we should fear...

because monsters hiding in humans are not so rare.

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31 Apologies You Wish Your Ex Had Given You

I'm sorry I never licked your butthole.

People fall in and out of love and, as many of us know, love hurts. Love's magical, mystical, and mysterious ways haunt us, and, unfortunately, love can leave unforgivable scars. However, with time pain ends and one can mature from the learned love. Any type of closure, however, is not possible without apologies. So here are 31 "I'm sorries" you need to hear from your ex, whether male or female.

1. I'm sorry I never fully appreciated you.

Some never really appreciate what you have until you no longer have it.

2. I'm sorry I disappeared.

I just thought that maybe it was just a phase.

3. I'm sorry I hung on even when I knew it was over.

I just thought that maybe it was just a phase.

4. I'm sorry I made a fool out of you.

I never meant to, but I guess I played you and you haven't realized until now.

5. I'm sorry I watched **insert show of choice** without you.

You know, some relationships just aren't strong enough.

6. I'm sorry I never respected your family and friends.

Listen to what your friends and family have to say. They are your outside observers.

7. I'm sorry I never stood up for you.

Although you can stand up for yourself, I know I should have been there to support you.

8. I'm sorry I'm not the one for you.

I broke my promises.

9. I'm sorry I ever yelled at you.

Everything happens for a reason.

10. I'm sorry I never trusted you.

I thought you were lying with every word, but it falls on me as I never thought I deserved those words.

11. I'm sorry I never licked your butthole.

I knew you inside and out and, I swear, I loved you, but there was no way I could avoid hurting you

16. I'm sorry I turned my back on you.

I should've known better. I should've stopped before it started.

17. I'm sorry I did what I did.

I should've known better. I should've stopped before it started.

18. I'm sorry you felt alone when we were together.

It was a one-sided relationship.

19. I'm sorry I didn't treat you right.

You deserve better, but I can't be your better.

20. I'm sorry I manipulated you.

Minds have a funny way of being twisted.

21. I'm sorry I never really tried.

You begged and I just turned a blind eye.

22. I'm sorry I got overwhelmed.

It all happened so quickly.

23. I'm sorry I lied.

I thought it would be better to lie, but each lie began to pile up on top of one another.

24. I'm sorry I made a mistake.

I can't deny my past mistakes.

25. I'm sorry I didn't love you as much as you loved me.

You can't help that kind of thing.

26. I'm sorry I was scared to let you go.

But I can't keep holding on.

27. I'm sorry I can't turn back time.

I wouldn't change it all.

28. I'm sorry I was indecisive.

Who am I to say what's right or wrong?

29. I'm sorry I blamed it all on you.

It's both of our faults since it takes two to tango.

30. I'm sorry I was an idiot.

People do stupid things. It's a positive occurrence when one realizes that he/she did something stupid.

31. I'm sorry it took me this long to say, "I'm sorry".

Better late than never.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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