I was 22 years old when I got engaged.
It was February 2013, I don't recall the exact date. I had been dating my now ex-fiance' for two years and I had no idea that he was going to propose. I thought I was happy with him. Well, I was pretending to be happy. That relationship wasn't healthy. He enjoyed antagonizing me and calling me names like "stupid" and "doe-doe bird". He even went as far as calling me "retarded". He wasn't a nice person. He insisted he was joking, but words hurt and can be abusive.
Still, on that sunny February day, I remember getting ready to go out dinner with my ex and another couple that are still great friends of mine. I don't want to go into great detail, but I remember his fraternity brothers showing up and hanging out in the living room. As I continued to apply my makeup and curl my hair, he began yelling my name. Yes, he yelled at me to come to the living room.
Exasperated with his rudeness, I walked out the living room where he got down on one knee and asked, "Jessica, will you marry me?"
I was stunned. My jaw dropped. It didn't seem real. I felt the eyes of our mutual friends on me, waiting for me to make a decision.
All I could muster was a "yes" as I pretended to act all giddy and excited like a woman acting in a TV show or a movie.
The idea of getting married was exciting to me; I couldn't wait to shop for a dress, pick out a venue, and ask some of my closest friends to be my bridesmaids. Next thing I know, I had bridesmaids, I bought a dress, picked out a venue and everything was in motion. We had even set a date: July 19, 2014.
A small voice inside of my head kept telling me, "This isn't right, don't do it."
I tried to ignore it, but it kept getting louder as the time went on and the wedding date got closer. I began to feel sick to my stomach and depressed. It wasn't right and I knew it, but I didn't know how to end it. I had settled for what I thought I deserved.
Two months before I was supposed to get married, I found myself feeling even more depressed, anxious and hopeless. The voice in my head was louder. Even my family kept telling me, "You don't have to walk down that aisle." (They didn't care for him all too much.)
"DON'T DO IT. YOU WON'T BE HAPPY."
Finally, I talked to my parents. I broke down crying, letting out all of the pent-up emotions and feelings I had been holding in for three years. I also talked with my aunt who had been in a similar situation when she was my age.
It was difficult, but I broke off the engagement over the phone since my ex was working out in North Dakota. He was heartbroken and I felt bad, but I knew I had done myself a huge favor by listening to my intuition and saving myself from a marriage that most certainly would have ended in divorce and heartache. Plus, I wasn't happy with my ex-fiance' and never truly was.
Fast forward to now, I'm forever grateful I listened to the voice in my head and paid attention to my body, mind and soul. My intuition saved me from a life of unhappiness and marrying the wrong person.
If you're feeling unsure about a major life decision, such as getting married or taking a new job, listen to your intuition and pay attention to your body. If there's a voice inside of your head telling you "NO!", it's best to listen to it.
I listen to my intuition every day and it is almost never wrong. It's usually always right. If your gut is trying to tell you something, stop and listen to it. It could mean the difference between happiness and unhappiness or even something as serious as life or death.
This quote about intuition sums up the idea of listening to ourselves quite well:
"Trusting our intuition often saves us from disaster." - Anne Wilson Schaef