Written by Emily Smith, Talia Baugnon, Myles Webb and Brenden Voss

Did you know that Smash Mouth has a Christmas album? That's right! In 2005, the band most famous for their song "All Star," which appeared in the cinematic masterpiece "Shrek," produced "The Gift of Rock," a collection of holiday classics covered by these guys:

We got four of the baddest bitches on Loyola Marymount University's campus to listen in. These four friends include:

Brenden: The guy.

Myles: Another guy, but more obnoxious.

Talia: Sass-master 5000.

And Emily.

Only Emily was excited.

Here's what we had to say about each song. Please understand how lucky you are that you did not have to go through this.

Opening Thoughts

Myles: I like Smash Mouth in the same way I like that bully who ended up serving burgers at McDonald's to survive. I feel better about myself.

Emily: I just hope there’s a yuletide version of "All Star."

Talia: Whatever it’s gonna be, I’m not ready for it.

Emily: I’m so excited for “Zat You, Santa Claus.”

Myles: What can I say about Smash Mouth Christmas?

Brenden: It’s like Christmas, but shitty.

Then we made a toast to Christmas. It would never be the same again.

1. "Father Christmas"

Originally by The Kinks

Brenden: Kind of reminded me of The Kinks song that I really like, but if The Kinks sucked.

Myles: It sounds like he got stung by a bee on his tongue.

Emily: One of the lyrics reveal that Santa isn't real. Not a song for the youngins.

Talia: This song went three minutes longer than it needed to. I think he specifically targeted Emily in his line about “downing wine.”

Emily: *takes hefty sip of wine*

Please note that this song led to a discussion about the Tooth Fairy, whom Myles thinks builds things with children's teeth.

2. "Don't Believe in Christmas"

Originally by The Sonics

Brenden: Someone fucked up. I don’t know who, but this shouldn’t have happened. He says the title about 10 million times. I GET IT! YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN CHRISTMAS!

Myles: He sounds like he is getting dental surgery. Up-Setting.

Emily: I hate this. This was a mistake. This just isn’t a good song.

Myles: Who is the demographic for this album?

Talia: Is this like a 50s diddy I’m supposed to do “The Twist” to? OK, a terrible Elvis impression just happened, so I guess the answer is yes.

3. "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"

Originally by Darlene Love

Brenden: Steve Harwell (lead singer of Smash Mouth) has an incredible ability to ruin good things. It’s a gift. Or maybe a curse. Baby please come home? More like baby please end this song.

Myles: *tense silence*

Emily: I was so pumped! I love this song! I started dancing and then he started singing and it’s just so bad. He sounds like when I tried singing "Chandelier" by Sia while recovering from bronchitis.

Talia: From now on, I am going to sing the word “halls” like “haawwwwwlzz.” WHY IS THERE AN ORGAN?

4. "Zat You, Santa Claus?"

Originally by Louis Armstrong

Brenden: This might be the worst song they’ve ever recorded. Which is saying a lot. They have a consistent pedigree for shittiness.

Myles: He sounds like the evil dentist from "Little Shop of Horrors." Creepy. Really creepy. I hate Christmas music.

Emily: This is funky. It sounds like Halloween meets Christmas. It's bad but at least it's entertaining. It sounds like it should be in "Phineas and Ferb."

Myles: I bet Steve Harwell is always red and sweaty, like a not-hot firefighter.

Talia: OK, wait this is so fun to sing to. I just need to make out whatever the lyrics are. I don’t think anyone can explain why you’re singing this way, Harwell. No one should say “Zat” except Louis Armstrong.

5. "The Christmas Song"

Originally by Nat King Cole

Myles: It's kind of beachy.

Brenden: This just shows that Steve needs to do 20 percent less. There’s a minute in this song where you forget that you’re listening to Smash Mouth. It’s like a nice holiday. A break from the consistent, in-your-face bullshit this band is known for.

Myles: Honestly, if Steve shows a bit of refrain, he could be a decent singer. This song is actually okay.

Emily: This is kinda nice actually. I feel like I’m on vacation. This little musical break is super nice.

Talia: Ohhhh, it’s a cover of Nat King Cole. That’s why it’s slow and soothing. I don’t hate this. Probably because you can’t screw up King. But you know that none of them really know how to play the organ.

6. "Snoopy's Christmas"

Originally by The Royal Guardsmen

Brenden: Did they make this album to sabotage Christmas?

Emily: I really hope Snoop Dogg makes an appearance. This is a real head banger. I want to know the words but I don't.

Myles: I hate his voice. It is the worst. I’m not having fun. I want to go home. All because of this album.

Talia: I wish I had drank more.

Myles: I'm casually turnt and it's not any better.

Note: Snoop Dogg did not make an appearance on this song.

7. "Christmas Ain't Christmas"

Originally by The O'Jays

Brenden: *silence*

Myles: *silence*

Emily: Thinking about being underneath the mistletoe with Steve Harwell makes my acid reflux act up.

Talia: Don’t be fooled by the cheery beat, this song is depressing af.

8. "Come On Christmas, Christmas Come On"

Originally by Ringo Starr

Brenden: It sounds like the shittiest cover of The Beatles ever.

Myles: Nope. This song is too long at a whopping 2:23. It’s so long. Stop. End. Please.

Emily: The title is confusing. This sounds like a mob walking through the streets with pitchforks about to take back Christmas. It just needs to end. Stop chanting.

Talia: I’m checking my Snapchat right now. This song has completely lost my interest. Oh, I got 15 new likes on Instagram.

9. "Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)"

Originally by The Ramones

Brenden: This isn’t "Blitzkreig Bop"?

Myles: This would be useful for human torture.

Emily: I wanna fight. Especially after sitting through all of this.

Emily: *dances in an attempt to enjoy it*

Talia: Please. Stop. Playing. The organ.

10. "2000 Miles"

Originally by The Pretenders

Brenden: Best song on the album. Right at the end. When it ended.

Myles: Super ew.

Emily: Is this gonna be like 500 Miles but Christmas? This is nice. Actually, once his voice started it was kind of ruined. I need more wine. It’s also just kinda boring too.

Talia: The first 28 seconds were fine, and then he started singing. Why do I like “All Star” so much? His voice is not pleasant to listen to.

Closing Remarks:

Brenden: Why does this exist? It is the most pointless drivel I have ever had the misfortune of listening to, and I have heard some real shit in my day. That said, this might be the best Smash Mouth album simply because they didn’t write any of the songs.

Myles: It’s like not even entertaining. This is the “Donald Trump election night” of music. It’s just not even funny.

Emily: Yikes. I had too high of hopes. And my hopes weren’t that high. They should really just stick to "All Star." They should have quit while they were ahead.

Talia: This was only made bearable by suffering through it with friends. This album has stressed me out more than my finals ever could.

So there you have it, folks. Listen with caution.