It's amazing that after 15 years and counting of Catholic school there's still so much I don't know about my own religion. For example, did you know, that the Pope is actually a "satan worshiping anti-christ" and the clergy is a "massive pedophile ring that supports illegal immigration so the priests have access to a fresh influx of young boys from the 3rd World". Oh, and the Pope also invented Islam and killed Lincoln. It's weird how the Carmelites never mentioned any of that in grade school.

For those of you who don't know there is a section of American politics called the "alternative right" which is a collection of paleoconservatives that, for decades, have been rightly shamed and disgraced into the dark where they belong but, for some unknown reason with a comb over, have made a massive resurgence in 2016. Groups like the American Nazi Party, Aryan Nation, and Volksfront are boasting massive increases in recruitment and websites like Stormfront have been reporting greatly increased web traffic.

Now, as an Italian, I should theoretically be safe from White Supremacists but, unfortunately for me, I am Catholic and we're who White Supremacists go after when there's no African Americans within lynching distance. If anyone is curious I asked one of these gentlemen how they handled Hispanics (whether they criticize them for being Hispanic or for being Catholic) and as it turns out, that two for one combo is just Christmas morning for them.

Now I have come to notice that most of the Alt-Right are Protestant which, of course, there is nothing wrong with. However, these are not the Protestants who acknowledge the relative coexistence between them and Catholics but are people who think they, 21st century humans, have greater spiritual insight then the apostles, disciples, apostolic fathers, and the magisterium because they have a Bible that those men wrote. In case you're wondering on the level of ridiculousness, this is equivalent to saying the Founding Fathers have zero clue about things like rights and liberties then citing the Constitution as your evidence.

But, nevertheless you clicked on this link because you wanted to hear stupid things these people have said about the Catholic faith and I will deliver.

Did you know that the Catholic Church created Islam? Oh yes, see, a well known Con Artist named Alberto Rivera heroically stole secret Vatican files from his undocumented time as a Jesuit priest and triumphantly released them to the public. These documents said the Pope gave Mohammed three commands

1. Eliminate the Jews and Christians (true believers, which they called infidels).

2. Protect the Augustinian Monks and Roman Catholics.

3. Conquer Jerusalem for “His Holiness” in the Vatican.

See Alberto Rivera claims that at the end of the 3rd Century the Catholic Church wanted Jerusalem so badly that they armed and inspired the Arabs to create Islam and reconquer the city for Catholicism. The Muslims, however, kept it and the Pope was so mad he ordered a crusade. Now, granted, Catholicism wouldn't become the religion of the empire for nearly another 80 years, Islam wouldn't be created for another 300 years and the 1st Crusade wouldn't happen for 800 years but, come on guys, would Alberto Rivera lie to us?

Another fun little claim is that Pope Francis is a pawn of the Mexican government because, wait for it, the Pope is pro immigration. I mean, it's not like that's been the stance of the Church for decades or Pope Francis has been an outspoken advocate for immigration for years now no, no no, definitely a pawn of the Mexican government. Yeah, that makes much more sense.

Oh, we also orchestrated that whole Jones Town incident to make Protestants look bad, we assassinated Lincoln, created Nazism and Communism to defeat the Orthodox, started the Vietnam War, planned 9/11 and are literally trying to conquer the world. Man, how do we find time to be the #1 charitable organization in the world with all this scheming. Us Catholics are just busy little bees aren't we?

Now we all love a nice conspiracy theory here and there. They're fun, stupid, and interesting to see how desperate some people get to make connection. When it gets concerning is when there's a section of American politics that virtuously holds these beliefs. Where it gets dangerous is when there's a national figure trying to court these people.

Normally when I'm particularly hard on a group of people I end with a disclaimer about how not all of them are like this, how we shouldn't let a few bad apples ruin the bunch, etc etc but, this time. No disclaimer. I've seen a lot of these people over the past few months and they are just the absolute worst. Yet, as a Catholic, I am forced to forgive them which, keep in mind, is more mercy then they would ever show me.