We all hear the saying “What happens in – Stays in…” Have you ever wondered as you look out your window when driving down the highway and see a limousine, who is in it or what they are doing?

In all likelihood, it is not Brittany Spears (as my daughter would always suggest). In all honesty, the likelihood that it is indeed a star or some famous person is slim to none. In all my years of driving, I have only had the opportunity to drive a few stars, and they are more likely to be in an SUV or basic black car.

When you are picking up James Franco from the airport and standing with a sign that says something like “Bob Nobody,” there is no glamour. Waiting on the tarmac for the private plane carrying Mariah Carey, there will be no fanfare. Admittedly, it is kind of fun, but they don’t seem to like the star-struck types for their driver. Can’t say I’d blame them either. Who would feel safe with a driver that can’t take their eyes out of the mirror and because of it rear-ends a car in front of them? The drivers with the best results are like me. You know the type, that driver who snapped at a star (whom I shall refrain from naming) saying, “I was busy doing laps around the damn airport waiting for you.” And with a slight attitude and flick of the head, finished with, “Care to get in now?” Yes, I really did this…. All before rolling the window up in the officer’s face who wouldn’t let me park. Who incidentally, after finding out who my passenger was, became star-struck himself.

Luckily for me, the un-named celebrity found it comical that I rolled the window up as I did. I might almost question if they appreciated the complete lack of anything resembling even the slightest bit of “giva-damn” on my part as to the nature of their fame.

So what does really happen? Who is in that limo? The answer is simple, “You and me.”

Most of the time it is a wedding or a bachelor party. Maybe a trip to the basketball game or a night on the town for people just like most of us. How do we go about getting the royal treatment? Well, we call a limo company of course!!! The Company I work for just so happens to be named Odyssey Transportation . I mean how cool is it that I write for Odyssey and then find a limo company to drive for named Odyssey .

Ok, Ok, enough of the coincidences thing I got going on here. Since I have your attention let me go over some key points on getting your very own limo and cruising with your buddies. A night out on the town to tie one on and save yourself the blue lights and ticket.

The following are musts if you plan to make the most of your evening.

1. Do let your driver open doors for you.

If you are going to go all out to get a limo and be treated like royalty then act like it. Wait for your driver to open the door. It’s like announcing your arrival to all at the venue, “Someone important has just arrived.” And…wait for it…Tada...You emerge.

2. Play the music loud.

Make sure everyone for a 12 block radius knows you are coming. Party like it is 1999 or 2018; whatever floats your boat, but do it loud. This is what they make that privacy window for, so we can block you out.

3. Book enough time to have your fun.

One thing I can’t stress enough is book enough time up front, cause overages are excruciating and you don’t want to see this charge with a hangover. Have that driver do one more lap around the block just to drive past that neighbor that you’re always in competition with if you have extra time.

4. Bring snacks and drinks.

Yes, even those of the alcoholic persuasion *providing you are of age. While some limo companies like Odyssey Transportation will provide some complimentary champagne and chocolates, you’ve got a long night of shenanigans ahead of you. It might be a good idea to bring sustenance for your adventure. A Viking ship would not leave port without supplies, nor should you.

To go along with these wonderful ideas of how to make your night joyful and memorable. Here are a few things you should never, EVER do.

1. Never get drunk and vomit in the limo.

There is a cleaning fee for this and it is astronomical, you will hate this one with your hangover even more than the overage charge. Just say no to vomit…and if you plan to get obliterated remember to designate someone to be in charge of the barf bag.

2. Remember your driver is a driver and not the entertainment.

Your driver will not dance on the pole of a party bus, they don’t want to go gambling with you after your pregnant wife just called and yelled so loud the people in the next car heard it, and shoving a dollar into their waistband will not make them “take it off.”

3. Do not threaten, accost, intimidate or otherwise berate your driver.

Your driver is there to do a job and that job is to drive the limousine in a safe and courteous manner. You are not a 5^th grader, you will not be treated as such, they are responsible for the vehicle – Not you. They will also not hesitate to leave your drunken butt on a corner somewhere. To make matters worse for you... they won’t even feel bad about doing so if you’re a complete jerk. Be nice to your driver and they will help ensure you have a great night and might even take you home for free from the final drop off if they think you are too drunk to drive safely.

4. Don’t stiff the poor driver that just put up with your antics all night.

I know, I know, they say you are paying a tip or gratuity when you book… that amount you are paying?!?!?! That is the driver’s pay, they are like wait staff in the sense that if you stiff them they barely make anything. You will also be known as the stiffer amongst all the other drivers and no one will like you or drive your limo for that matter, they will never let you get away with any shenanigans ever again. Sometimes you can pay this 20% in cash. This is NOT…I repeat NOT… a cue to save money by (YOU got it), stiffing the driver!

And as a final note, you might ask…“How do people act in a limo?” The answer to that is…You guessed it.

What happens in the limo stays in the limo, (unless you stiff your driver, then it stays on social media).