“Who taught you to hate the color of your skin? To such an extent you bleach, to get like the white woman?” –Malcolm X
For a week, I set strict guidelines for myself to bask in nothingness, scroll endlessly on Tumblr, write my twisted thoughts in my journal, and eat flavorful home-cooked meals. I wanted to trash my annalistic mindset that was developed by the semester that bombarded me with lectures, papers, and workshops every week. Not leaving the house and being as lazy as possible was the goal because I was just downright tired; sleep was only a plane ride away from this hectic college life of mine.
However, two events occurred during the middle of this week of idleness and shattered through the mental block I purposely put on myself. I saw an updated picture of Lil Kim, someone I looked up to as a child, and Beyoncé released her new visual album, Lemonade.
These two circumstances are seemingly unrelated, but oh boy, they mesh with each other on a level that reminds me of my childhood and how I have developed into the person I am now. In terms of Lil Kim, she was the queen of rap when I was learning to crawl and as I got older.
I remember listening to her music, not understanding half of some of the adult language but thinking “Wow, I want to be like her”. She stood next to some of the most legendary male rappers and held her ground as an influential, care free black artist. She seemed proud to hold this title and serve as an idol for black women who were constantly bashed by the stereotypes and stigmas the media placed on them.
However, as I was scrolling through Tumblr in my pajamas and messy sheets, and I stumbled upon a before and after photo set of Kim. The top photoset displayed Lil Kim from the 90’s, with her brown skin tone, bare face, short hair, and the rest of the black features she was born with. The bottom photoset revealed all of those features completely altered: fair skin, skinny nose, soft eyes, blond hair, etc.
Of course, I was skeptical from the start, because there was no way in my mind that the queen of rap completely succumbed to America’s standard of beauty. So I snooped around, went to her Instagram, and behold, there were plenty of pictures to confirm that she now appeared as a Caucasian woman.
At first, I was outraged; why would someone with such a title change the way she looks and talks to look like a white woman? Why wasn’t being black good enough for her? I was disgusted. That feeling dissipated after five minutes because, to be completely honest, if she would have done this while I was in middle school, I would have applauded her.
I would have been envious that she had the money to become conventionally attractive while I continued to be a self-hating thirteen-year-old. Lil Kim had an interview where she stated “I have low self-esteem and I always have… Guys always cheated on me with women who were European-looking… how can I compete with that?”
I remember that being my mindset along with many other black teenagers I went to school with. The guys always talked about wanting a white girl and my friends and I were wearing weaves and contacts to try and get as close to that image as possible.
That is where the album "Lemonade" comes into play. If people stop worrying about who Jay-Z might have slept with and making the name Becky a racial slur, it would be more evident that this album has an empowering message that acknowledges the struggle of being a black woman and uplifts the features we have that has been bashed since…well…the beginning of colonization and the Atlantic Slave Trade.
People are so quick to comment on how Beyoncé is causing racial tension, but that’s what is wrong with people; stop failing to recognize the truth and the good that is coming out of her album. In the song “Formation,” Beyoncé sings, “I like my negro nose with Jackson Five nostrils.” For as long as I can remember, black features have always been bashed. My nose has always been too big, my hair has always been too nappy, my lips have always been too plump, etc.
Lil Kim could not accept herself because her features were not the standard of beauty. Even today, the media can accept these features on nonblack women (*cough cough* Kylie Jenner), but bashes black women for it. I could pull out the receipts for that too, but I digress.
What I am trying to say is, young black girls will hear this album and embrace what they were born with. This album embodies the beauty within the black community that was not as acceptable ten years ago. With such an iconic woman singing about loving your features, self-hate within the black community won’t be as strong as it was before.
It actually hurts that Lil Kim feels beautiful now that she has more Eurocentric features, but no one can blame her and people should not be upset with her for doing so. Colorism is such an issue that people refuse to understand and validate. Look at the underlying reason as to why a black woman would strip away her black features and understand why the album "Lemonade" is important.
