I have been shamelessly showing off my new art; posting it all over social media and showing it to everyone I talk to since I got it done this weekend.

In response, I initially get nothing but love: “It's cute!”, “So colorful and fun!”, “Very unique”, "It suits your personality!”, “It’s so you! What is it?”

There’s something very interesting about the way people’s faces change when I inform them that it’s inspired by the cover art of Kanye West’s 2007 album "Graduation". Soft complimenting smiles slowly fade and then all at once fall off to reveal surprise and some confusion. This is what I expected. Kanye West is probably about the last place the image of a simple, colorful, cute cartoon bear’s face would send you.

And I am probably someone you might expect to be a die-hard Kanye fan. As I watch people’s brain make these connections, seconds feel like months. Anxiety sends pinpricks down my spine as I search for reasons to defend my decision when they ultimately come to the conclusion that I shouldn’t have gotten it or that I’ll regret it. I quickly search reasons for why I find Kanye inspirational and how his music has impacted me and how I’ve been a fan for so long and ways I relate to certain songs and then they respond with, "Oh that’s so cool!” This is not what I expected. I let all the arguments that I frantically gathered up in my arms slip away and I remember the real reason I got it.

I got it because I wanted to. Though there are several reasons that I like the image, the fact that I put it on my body forever was completely because I just felt like it. And as someone who, for a long time, felt that tattoos needed to be overflowing with deep and important meaning there is something really relieving about getting one just because you like it.

But more importantly, as someone who spent way too long trying desperately to be a version of myself that others approve of, it feels wonderful to do something so big and not have to defend or explain myself. Each time someone asks me. “What is your tattoo?” I grow more confident in handing them the true reason rather than attempting to scrape together powerful meaning from something that is quite literally only skin deep.