Hey, Mom. I know you know that I drink. I drink with you and Dad at restaurants, I talk about the amazing mixed drink or wine I had last week. But we never really talk about it any more than that because one time, you told me you thought I was an alcoholic. But let me tell you something, Mom:
I'm not.
I don't depend on it. I don't crave it. I don't need it. I'm just a college kid who likes to drink, that's what I'm supposed to do. My body can handle it right now, the parties are a blast, and I'm not going to lie, wine is my favorite thing to have. So look at this situation positively with me for a moment, and let me remind you why it's okay that alcohol is a main food group in my diet.
1. Don't act like you didn't do it.
I know you bought $2 beer pitchers with your financial aid in college, Mom. I'm buying cheap wine and drinking it out of the bottle so I don't dirty a cup. We're basically the same, I'm just more innovative. You should be proud of me.
2. I'm in college, Ma.
You know how many mental breakdowns I have, because I call you during all of them. My classes are really hard, I cry before I go to work because I feel like I don't have time to do all the required homework I have to do because I have to go to work to afford gas and food. I get very little sleep because after work, I stay up so late to finish all my homework. If I get the chance to go do something with my friends, let my hair down, and pretend I don't have responsibilities, I'm going to use that $5 bill in my wallet to buy a couple $1 pints. Life is tough right now, let me have some fun.
3. I'm pretty good at Beer Pong.
Mom, I'm good at something. Like that's huge. Yeah, it's a drinking game, but finally something! You should put my picture up on the fridge and brag about how I ran the table at a fraternity party last weekend. Want to learn something I like to do? Let me teach you how.
4. We can go to the bar TOGETHER, Mom!
Want to go wine tasting? I'll taste/chug them all. Let me teach you how to play flip cup and beer pong so you can bring a new feel to your parties you go to with your friends. Let's try weird drinks with dinner, or take a shot together. We can finish a bottle of wine and yell at the TV during the Bachelor. It's something else we can do together now, Ma.
5. I've got some good stories.
Let me tell you about the girl that I saw last weekend, mom. She was wrecked, and the story will make you laugh. Let me tell you about the random guy that bought my best friend and I a shot at the bar the other night. Let me tell you about the semi-formal dance I went to with my boyfriend's fraternity. Mom, look at me at iHop after the party last weekend, I can't believe I went out like that. Let me tell you about my good times before they're over with.
Mom, I know I drink. I drink more than I'd like to admit. And Mom, I know that might not make you proud of me. But I'm smart. You raised me to make good decisions. You taught me not to drink and drive, so if I drink, I get a designated driver. You taught me how to use coupons and shop sales, so I get my alcohol for a good price. You taught me not to be stupid, not to make bad decisions, and how to be a responsible adult. That carries over when I have a bottle in my hand too.
I might like to drink, and that's okay because you raised me right. So, forget everything you think, and remember what you know: I'm your daughter who you created and raised. So, this next drink is for you, the Mom who gave me my amazing life. Cheers!
