Hey everyone! You may remember back in August I wrote an article called "Life With Court." Well here I am to continue it. I want to be completely real and honest with you all in hopes that maybe my story and my journey can in someway be of help to you. We are all broken people and I just want to grow in my faith while taking you on this crazy journey. This post may get a little everywhere because my thoughts are all over the place, but hey I know God is going to use this post for his glory.
Last time I wrote, I was just getting back into the swing of things here at college. I was extremely anxious to see my old classmates and really all I wanted to do was to get on a plane and fly back to Alaska. Second semester last year was such a wreck and I was terrified of getting turning into that girl again. Thankfully, I was blessed with an amazing roommate and amazing friends that have been such a great support system for me.
Unfortunately, since I am on such a small campus, I am constantly reminded of mistakes that I made last semester. It is so hard to move on when the Devil is constantly whispering lies into your ears. The first couple weeks of school I found myself once again, comparing myself to other girls, asking questions like "why her and not me?" and "what's wrong with me?" I would wake up every morning and look in the mirror and believes these lies that I wasn't good enough.
Then, I started this devotional called, BeLoved by one of my favorite writers and blogger, Jordan Lee. The devotional is a 14-day PDF that changed my whole attitude for the semester. It is 14 days on love, loneliness, relationships and redemption. Each day starts off with Jordan telling a personal story that leads to a beautiful metaphor, then we dive into the word of the Lord and then we end by reflecting and writing down all of our thoughts. God really spoke to me through this and somehow each topic of the day related to what I was going through. I realized through doing this devotional that I am good enough. That the Lord loves me so much and has such an amazing plan for my life, that I only need to wait. I go through waves of sadness where I get upset that I am single because so many of my friends are in relationships. But honestly, I realized that I need to tend my heart first before even thinking about being in a relationship. My relationship status does not determine my self worth. The thing is, we cannot create our own pure heart. It's an action of God that he will do when we cry out for help. Psalm 51:10 says, "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." We have to just keep pursuing the Lord and everything else will fall according to his will.
Something I have been praying a lot about recently is bitterness and forgiveness. There are a lot of people in my life right now that I want to hate. Yes, I just said that. I mean if I didn't have Jesus...I would probably say I hate them. These are people that have used me and treated me badly. But you know what? No matter what they have done to me, I need to forgive them because the Lord forgives us. I know that is much easier said then done, but that is something I think we all need to be praying more about. A song that has really been inspiring me lately is called Bitter By Andy Mineo (shoutout to Patrick for telling me to listen to it) and I really suggest that you all take a listen.
I feel like my life is pretty steady right now. Nothing too crazy going on. Focusing on God, school, and Christ-centered friendships. Of course we are all going to have bad days and moments of breakdown, but I have realized how important putting my life into perspective is about. I am constantly reminded about how blessed I am. As cliche as it sounds, I am too blessed to be stressed.
Now that's just a lil' taste of Life With Court.