If you're an upperclassman in college, like me, you can probably see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now, if you're, unfortunately, a semester (or more) behind, like me, that light may seem like it's never going to come. With the recent graduation buzz, I've been a little down lately. It seems like all my friends are graduating. It's easy to feel left behind and forgotten about, and that's truly what's going on.
Watching the greatest people in your life literally pack up and walk out of your life isn't easy. I am currently so overwhelmed with emotion.
First, I am joyful. A lot of my friends are graduating either this May, August or December. The joy and happiness that overwhelms my heart for them is almost surreal. They did it! They finally did it. Every student goes through the same struggle; although they all have different circumstances and take different paths, college is hard!
Second, I am sorrowful. The majority of my friends will be moving away from our college town. They'll be moving back home, heading onto graduate school elsewhere, or packing up for a job they accepted hundreds of miles away. I try not to think about it, but their impending graduation has brought so much sadness into my heart. They won't be just down the street from me anymore. I won't be able to go on late night Sonic runs, or cry on their shoulder when a guy breaks my heart. They won't be around to stay up late and study for finals with me or accompany me to everything from the movies to festivals.
Then, I am envious. I think my delayed graduation might have something to do with this emotion, but still, it's one I can't hide or ignore. I have spent hours contemplating whether or not I made the right decision. I sometimes feel embarrassed that I won't be graduating in exactly 4 years (eight semesters). However, life doesn't always go as planned. The sooner I start to accept that, the sooner my envy, jealousy, and anger will diminish. My time will come, even though sometimes it feels like December 2018 is a lifetime away. I will get through the next three semesters. I will finish college. I will be successful.
Most often, I feel alone. I feel like time caught up with us. I feel like I'm going to blink and they're all going to be gone. That's what it feels like, anyhow. Whether I knew them for a few months or 3 years, my life will never be the same without them around. Feeling alone is one of the worst feelings. I try to put myself out there more and make friends with underclassmen or people on my same career path, but I know that they, too, will feel the heartache when it's my time to graduate and move on.
The greatest lesson I've learned through having to "lose" my college friends and learning to let go (but not forget them! 100% keeping in touch with y'all), is that you need to make the most of every moment. Stop trying to rush through your college experience. Because before you know it, your best friends will be graduating, and then it'll be your turn. You'll leave behind some special people too, and it won't ever be easy. It will feel like you didn't have enough time, there never is enough time.
Each and every single one of you have impacted my life in a way I never thought was possible. I am heartbroken that you all will be graduating and moving away, but I know that we will keep in touch because our friendship means so much to me. I love you all!
Most importantly, congratulations! It's almost your time to shine! And yes, I shed a tear at every senior picture you post.
You'll always be in my heart.
