Unless we are close friends, it is highly unlikely that you know very much about me. I am a private person. I don't typically like people to know anything about me on a very personal level. If they did, they would know that even though I am constantly cracking jokes and being less than professional in public settings, I am an extremely messy person. Not physically messy; I make my bed every day and I obsess over the way my things are placed on my desk. No, my inward life is messy. It's a natural disaster, to be perfectly honest.

But you know what? I don't care.

For a long time, I was bitter about the way my life was going. It was not the way I had always planned and that just really pissed me off. I didn't plan to be the victim that I had suddenly become. I did not plan to be the person who woke up in the morning and didn't go to class because I just didn't feel like it. I did not plan to be the person who walked around in fear, but that is what my life was. I was damaged, abused, injured, and scared. (Before I go on, let me give a quick shout-out to my family and friends for putting up with that) I had every right to be all of those things, believe me, but that didn't make me any less angry about it.

I just wanted to be a happy person who didn't get stuck in a bad situation, but those just aren't the cards I was dealt. When I finally realized that life is much more complicated than that, I began to deal. I have started to let myself cope; and began to put those injuries into words. I've talked, I've vented all of the shit that had happened to me (thanks, mom), and I've found healthy ways to get out all of that hurt that had suddenly overcome my existence. I've slowly started to recognize myself again when I look in the mirror and even smile back. For the first time in a long time, some of the energy that people see on the outside of me has started to move inward in the best way.

That's not to say that I don't still have bad days. Sometimes I still lay in bed and don't answer my phone. I occasionally still lay in bed at night and do much more thinking than I do sleeping. Some days I don't do my homework because I just can't find the motivation to open the book and read the page. And that's okay. I'm okay with all of that now. Real life is messy, and it's complicated, and sometimes bad things happen that we don't understand. The second we can accept that life is never going to turn out the way we planned it, the sooner we can live it in the best way.

My life is a mess, and so is yours, and everyone else's. Live it anyway.