"Saints Row: The Third" is an open world role playing game about four gangs fighting for control over a city. You are the leader of one of those gangs, the Third Street Saints. It is your responsibility to take over the city form rival gangs and turn it into a lucrative venture, or destroy it by slaughtering every civilian you see. After completing the main storyline, I have learned the following about life from the game.
1. Object permanence doesn't exist.
Your notoriety, or the effort the cops or other gangs will put into killing you, decreases as long as you stay hidden. "Where is the guy who sniped some guy on the corner of the street? Oh, must have been the wind."
2. Death comes in the most absurd forms.
One of the melee weapons in the game is the "Penetrator." Yeah, it's a baseball bat shaped like a floppy purple dildo. I wonder how embarrassed the souls of the people who have been killed by it must be.
3. The country is throwing its resources at the wrong problem.
Outraged at your shenanigans and gang warfare in Steelport, the government sends a battalion of laser-wielding super-soldiers into the city to take it over. Complete with tanks, hoverjets, and an aircraft carrier that all end up being destroyed by a handful of gangsters. Worth it!
4. Law enforcement is extremely corrupt.
You can eliminate your aforementioned notoriety by making a simple phone call, meaning the cops will stop trying to kill you even after you have killed scores of them.
5. Mercy pays hilarious dividends.
Another ludicrous weapon in the game is the "Apoca-fists," which are enlarged fists that can turn a target into meaty dust in one punch, obtainable only by sparing Killbane his dignity.
6. Gravity is not your friend.
Get flung across an intersection from a vehicle? Sure. Direct hit from an RPG? OK. Fall one meter out of a helicopter. Instant death. Thanks, Newton!
7. Fashion is key.
Your respect grows whenever you buy new clothes or change outfits. In other words, nobody wants to see you wear the same pair of pants every day.
8. When nature calls, run!
An available costume is a toilet, meaning you can run around the city as a gun-wielding toilet. Who knew a daily bodily function could kill?
9. Ethics is a skewed concept.
In the quest "Professor Genki's Super Ethical Reality Climax," You can earn money by killing people dressed as various mascots, but lose money if you shoot a sign with a panda on it. Looks like PETA somehow managed to hack our bank accounts.
10. Cars are extremely volatile.
Hitting one enough times will cause it to explode. This happens despite the fact that your car is still drivable after a 60 miles per hour car crash.
11. Open carry is used for it's intended purpose.
Gangsters, cops, soldiers, and some civilians all walk around with assault rifles and submachine guns. They don't use them unless provoked. Maybe you should think twice about pretending to pleasure yourself in front of a gang of cybergoths.
12. Roller-skates break the laws of physics.
The specialist for the Deckers gang is a woman on light-speed roller skates. Explain this one, Einstein.
