Life is kicking my butt. And I’ll be honest, I did not want to write an article for this week.
Here's the thing, I don’t know when to say no, I take on too much at a time, and then get frustrated with myself later. Why do I do this? I’ll let you know when I have the answer. The thing is, I like being busy, but I also love sleeping in ’till noon and not having to look on my calendar after everything that I do and say “Ok, what’s next?”. It’s stressful. I feel like I’m 19 going on 30 and it’s terrifying.
I’ve always been an independent kind of person but never thought anything of it. I was taught to be that way by the age of 12 so it’s normal for me. Not to mention I was surrounded my independent influences and adults for most of my childhood. I’m thankful to be independent, but I also feel it’s dangerous. I don’t rely on others hardly ever and when I do, eight times out of ten I get let down. So to me, it’s better to keep myself in check and depend on no one else except for Me, Myself, and I. Maybe that’s why I can never say no. I always say yes to help a friend out when they ask. And if I can’t help at that moment, I make sure I do shortly after.
It might sound selfish and a bit conceded, but I wish I had a friend like me. I’d say I’m reliable, helpful, and yeah I might not give the greatest advice, but at least I try. And more times than not, I drop everything when someone calls me in need. Please don’t take this as me saying I’m the perfect person and everyone should want me to be their friend because that’s not what I’m saying at all. As a matter of fact, I think the worst thing about having me as a friend would simply be me exhausting myself and not listening to those who tell me to “not take on too much” and then basically ignore people after trying to “help me”. Yes, I’m very stubborn, I always have been. That’s another thing, I tend to shut down and disconnect from everyone around me when I’m stressed or just simply not happy...I’m working on that.
Also, don’t take this as me complaining. I’m very fortunate to be as independent and driven as I am. I have two jobs, full-time school, write for Odyssey, and take on occasional side jobs when I can. All while trying to keep a social life with friends and my wonderful, supportive, and understanding boyfriend. Is it necessary? Oh, yeah. Am I stressed? Oh, yeah. Does it interfere with my relationships? oh…yeah. With the occasional help from my mom, I pay my rent, my car insurance, my groceries, and for the times I actually go out with friends. Again, with the world we live in, it needs to be done. Like I said before, I’m 19 going on 30 and I’m pretty sure dark circles are already taking shape under my eyes. I’ve actually been thinking about getting some anti-aging creme…(that’s a joke). Being as busy and as stressed as I have been has made me think about missing out on being 19. Then I think, 19 is nothing special. I can’t drink, I can’t go to bars, so might as well spend all of my time stressing myself out on the daily.
