I feel like whenever I have a bad night, or day, self care becomes very institutional in creating something better. Spontaneity is encouraged in the universe for some reason, I’m not sure why.
The best random things seem to happen after the worst intentional things do. By that I mean, whenever I just feel hopeless, because maybe I really messed up, something randomly nice happens once I give up. I think I try so hard to have control over so many things in my life that when it inevitably doesn't work out, I let go, and allow the world to throw its intentions at me instead. It takes a bit of breaking down of yourself to accept the pieces of the world that are trying to reach you.
It takes a bit of drive, of why not?
It seems to come and go, but the instant you try and influence it, it goes away, like a dream, the moment you try to attain control, you wake up. It's like your body’s way of telling you that you can't actually control other people, don't get greedy.
It seems very obvious, redundant even, to say that you cannot control what happens spontaneously. But I think so many of us try to. We think that by setting ourselves up in certain places or situations then certain things happen naturally. But really, it's the way we handle ourselves alone. The inner self, that is all we actually have control over. When we control ourselves with our best intentions to make our minds the best place to be, and our bodies the safest place to be, we are doing our best. When we build ourselves and our days with the intention of being the independent and still happy. That's when the world gives you what you want. Because life to whatever extent seems to be “meant to be” “destiny” “fate’ whatever people use to explain how and why things happen. Well if it's so meant to be for you, then you have to be as much yourself as possible in order to attract what's right for you.
This sounds strange, but let me elaborate.
If you think of two pieces of paper, one translucent, and one solid but paintable like a sketchbook. Think of the sketchbook as yourself and think of the translucent sheet as what's meant to be in life, just life in general. It's like a map designed specifically for you. If you want those two images to match up when you lay life over yourself, then you have to actually commit to yourself as something independent to life. You cannot live your life in anticipation to what that translucence sheet will look like. That's life's job. Life conforms to you, not the other way around.
Life will match up to you because it has no other choice or option for its own existence. It must conform to its provider. But you must be there in definitiveness for it to draw itself as a map, a picture of you. A painter cannot paint a subject who is running around the room and leaving. The picture will be blurry and untrue to your solid self.
Live your life as the person you want to be, and your life will align as such.
I'm not saying be a damn rock. Fluidity is as much a valid and constant option as being a tall stiff tree. Even the trees blow in the wind, even the rivers move with rain, change their own path even, but they continue to flow. They know they are a moving force, but they know they are a force moving forward. That's valuable.
Be content with yourself. Live your life for self improvement. Staying happy. Being ok with whatever happens because you have yourself. There are many more layers to that paper but its ok. Just focus on the first and bottom base. Your own foundation.
Be ok so that at the end of the day, even if nothing special happened, or even if something awful happened that you're ok because you were yourself. Because you're alive and you have tomorrow to continue to be ok by yourself in your own mind. At the end of the day then, that is the only person who will be in your own mind. You decide if you're happy with yourself, but also if you ARE happy, no one will ever be able to give you a passing mark on your own hapless or satisfactions. That's not how this game plays.
Paint your page however you like, but paint it yourself- for yourself- and life will follow accordingly.