I remember the day when I decided to transfer over to a University from Mohawk Valley Community College in order to continue my education. I had a strong desire to move away, as most college students do. At that time, I honestly had no idea what I was getting myself into. I moved from the comfort of my hometown in Utica, NY to Albany, NY. Immediately when moving I made sure I had everything set up. I had the right job, the right education, and the right apartment; but soon I began to realize what it was going to be like living in between two homes as I traveled back and forth. Today, I visit my hometown frequently and realized how much I really did like it and prefer it over the city surrounding my University. This entry is going to highlight the struggles and the wonders of living between two homes from two different perspectives; that of a college student (myself), and an adult is working on moving back to his hometown.

From a Student’s Perspective:

When living between two homes, it is difficult to prioritize what is more important between both places. Where is it best to get an internship at? Which job in which place should I care more about? How do I choose between which friends I see the most? It’s like a juggling act. Most of the time I am taking care of two different jobs, a different group of friends, different activities…. The list goes on.

It is a wonder and a struggle to have two different lifestyles. The folks at college see a different personality than the folks at home. Most of the people at school don’t know my past and that can be both a relief and a struggle because they need more time to learn who I am.

I struggled with this balancing act for a long time, and it honestly took a lot of trial and error in order for me to figure what was going to be more important to me in the end. I spent many stressful weekend packing my bags and wondering if I should go back home or not for whichever event I was going to, compared to what was happening in Albany. I wanted to give my best impression to both parties because I didn’t know which I place I was going to end up in. I actually found myself playing Enie-Menie-Mini-Moe between different activities, jobs, or internships I was going to attend that break or weekend. This was all a journey and it did take me a while to figure out how to prioritize. I still struggle with it today.

However, living between two homes can also be an adventure. I get two different experiences all the time. My home life is humble, earthy, and home-grown. My life at Albany is intense, innovative, and high energy. Sometimes I feel more confident at home and other times I feel more confident in Albany. It all depends on which task I am tackling that day.

In the end I did find out where I wanted to be when I graduated and started to concentrate more on internships, jobs, and activities back at home. I still participate in a number of things in Albany, but I know that Utica will always come first for me. I did this step by step and asking myself which I would be more disappointed to lose and Utica came out on top. The point is, home doesn’t even have to be where you were born, it is whichever area you care about the most.

From an Adult’s Perspective (Presently living in Florida where he went to school, attempting to settle down in Utica where he grew up):

Question: How long have you been traveling back and forth between Florida and Utica.

Answer: I’ve been living in Florida for 17 years now. I moved down from Utica to live in the sun and go to college. I’ve been there ever since. Now I want to move back home to be near family.

Question: Do you find it difficult to prioritize between activities in both places?

Answer: Yes, it is very difficult, and always a challenge to do.

Question: How do you prioritize between both places?

Answer: Regardless of which place I’m in, I’m going to have work. So, the commitment to my job and my employer does much of the prioritizing for me. As far as how I prioritize after I get past the threat of being fired, it’s all about compromise. On vacations, I don’t usually pick what I want to do the most. I compromise, and select something I can enjoy, yet also spend a decent amount of time with my family and hometown friends.

Question: Do you find difficult to understand which place you find to be more homesick about?

Answer: Not really, I’m always more homesick for where my family is.

Question: Do you struggle with the different family and friend relationships?

Answer: I don’t really struggle with the different friend and family relationships. Most of my family is still in or close to my hometown so that’s where I go for family. I have good friends at both places. I’m very fortunate that I’ve always made good, reliable friends anywhere I have gone.

Question: How do you maintain your relationships?

Answer: I think the key to maintaining relationships is effort and good communication. I don’t think that changes regardless of how many places you travel between. You have to make an effort to be there for the important people in your life, even if you are 2,000 miles away. Sometimes just your voice can help them find their way when they are lost, and vice versa of course.

Question: What made you decide one home over the other?

Answer: I’ve never felt like I have chosen one home over the other. I choose to set up my second home in Florida when I was younger. I wanted to explore interests I had and I felt I would regret it if I never ventured out to see what else was out there. I gained my own independence and made my own path, so to speak. I also knew I was fortunate to have such a great support structure of a wonderful family and friends. I wanted to make sure I never lost that, or took it for granted in my search.

I have taken the time to live on my own, explore, and see what else is out there. I’m getting to the point where living in two different homes is making it difficult to reach full potential in either of them. My current status is to put myself in the best position to be successful and achieve the things important to me while working closer to my family. As I work my way back toward my first home, I will put the same effort into the relationships I made along the way to make sure they also stay strong no matter where I lay my head.

Closure:

This is such a common thing for people to go through at some point in their lives. It may be when you move away to college, or you are in a long-distance relationship, whatever it is, it has the same consequences. It is an experience to be had. It can help you and it can hurt you, but overall it will build you.

“Life is a constant struggle between being an individual and being a member of the community.”

-Sherman Alexie