After taking classes for even a semester or two in college, you start to catch on to some things. You notice the different types of professors and their teaching styles. You learn what classes you can skip and whether or not it's a smart decision to take an online class. You notice that, more often than not, most students don't even show up to class. But if you do show up to class, even if it's just for one or two classes, you learn. You learn the lies that professors tell.
These lies are typically told during the magical week known as "syllabus week." (But of course, there is a chance of the lies continuing into the rest of the year). After syllabus week, when the horror and stress of class set back in, you notice everything that the professor told you the first week, was definitely a lie.
1. "Class will start on time."
*Runs to class in a full sprint* Then you arrive at exactly 2:13 for a 2:15 class, dripping sweat after running half a mile straight up a hill, only to wait exactly 13 minutes for the professor to arrive and "promptly" begin class. Luckily for you, they arrive 13 minutes late, just enough time for you to be pissed that you sprinted to class, but not enough time for you to get up and walk out according to campus policy.
2. "This is the most I will talk all semester."
The first day is the best but also the worst day. You sit in an uncomfortable seat for what feels like an eternity listening to a professor go over a 12-page-front-and-back-syllabus, that doesn't need quite the explanation they are giving it. It is "syllabus week" so the 2.5-hour class gets out in an hour because what else is there to do the first day? But then next week your extremely monotoned professor spends the entire 2.5 hours talking and asking rhetorical questions, because honestly, he has this yearning to leave the classroom in an awkward silence for every moment that he's not listening to himself speak.
3. "Participation is required."
"But I don't take attendance, and I have no effective way to measure your day-to-day participation, and I will cancel class at least once a month."
4. "This course will follow the schedule listed in the syllabus."
They claim that every class's activities will be according to the schedule listed in the syllabus. Which is accurate until, they cancel the third and tenth class, push forward the 3rd exam, add four pop quizzes, add a five-page paper, and also the schedule is from Fall 2014. But other than that the course will definitely follow the schedule.
5. "You will need the textbook."
If you are a good student then this one isn't even a lie. But if you're like the average college student, "you will need the book" is the biggest lie of them all. The only time you will really need the book is for the "required reading." But the required reading is also what we will be discussing on a daily basis...so do you really need the book?
6. "This class will be interactive."
"And by interactive, I mean that I will force you to do at least two group projects with people that you don't know. I will also make sure to equally distribute all of the slackers so that every group has at least one person to pull the group down to the fire-y pits of hell."
These are just a few of the little white lies that professors tell us. We can't really hate them for it either because, honestly, we lie too.
"No, I definitely did not write this article in the middle of class."
