To my hometown,

You have witnessed it all. You have been there through it all; my first steps, my first ever successful bike ride, my excelling years in school, my high school graduation, and the move to college - away from you. You have been there to see all my smiles, to hear all my laughs. I enjoy you because of this, the thought of you makes me smile and become overwhelmed with happiness.

But to my hometown, you have been there not just for the good, but also misery I have been through. You have watched me crash, burn, and fall into a million pieces that seem to never have a chance of being picked up. You hold my very first cuts and bruises, the lies that have been followed by consequences, the falls of my family, the devastations we have been through, the losses I have witnessed, and the heartbreaks that remain unfixable. For this, I feel that I will never hold that same feeling of happiness I once did.

Misery will always overpower its opposite. As hard as one may try to live in the happiest moments of their lives, it becomes impossible and we fall to a place where we only trust the pain we have experienced. This has happened with you, hometown. I have become too wrapped in all the sadness you have created. I have developed a sense of mistrust in you that seems like it can never be rekindled. You have shown me time after time, that when I let down my wall, the same pains that you have given me before will shine through. My friends are the same people, my family are the same people, my routine is the same thing, and I am changing. I am changing and everything beside me seems to be in a standstill. Hometown, you have taught me to not trust the friends you have given me, you have taught me not to open up in the house that you hold for me, you have taught me not to fall into that brain of that boy again, but I fail. I fail to learn, and I acheive utter hate for you hometown.

You have given me my devices here; you have given me my friends, my home, my loves, and all the little things in between. You have given me a limited list of options that I have picked from at my own will and have failed to come to the correct ones. You have managed to trap me in a series of unfortunate events that over power the simplistic happiness I have received from you. I have learned to resent you, you have shown me death and heartbreak that will never be repairable. You have finally given me that chance to escape it all, for college will save me. But college didn’t save everything, for hometown, it was my decisions that made the misery fall on my head. You held the misery that I had created, but you did not cause it. You gave me an option to hate the place where all was happening to me, or hate the people that caused it - I picked you.