Dear Sharen,
You're about to start your junior year of high school. You aren't in the happiest state of your life, and I know. Just remember, things get better. Things get better if you really want it to. Don't cut your hair again.
You've had a rough break up and you've lost all the girl friends you've had due to this break up along with your over thinking and anxiety. No one wants to talk to someone who is constantly dragging them down because you are broken up. This is high school, not college. Friends don't give a shit about you until you get older, they really don't. They care about their image more than anything in these years.
College is where you find better friends. I'm telling you right now, people in college are all out on their own just like you will be. People will be more considerate when you're older. Don't lose hope in the term "friends". Your guy friends will all change. Guys are easy to get along with, true, but that does not mean they deserve the title as your best guy friends. You can find guy friends everywhere. Don't settle or it'll make you feel like you never want to leave home.
You shouldn't be so hung up on this guy who just broke up with you. You are making yourself believe that you are in love with him because of how much he's getting under your skin. That isn't how this works. You're about to date two guys who are amazing and deserve your attention, don't use them. Sure you love his family, but you are making yourself believe this is the only guy you'll ever find, that this is the only family that you'll ever meet. He isn't the only fish in the whole damn sea. You guys will get back together, but it honestly comes with delaying your life.
Appreciate your mom and your dad. Stop blaming them and their divorce for everything. You may want to be 16 forever, always under their aide, but once you're older, you WILL regret not humanizing them earlier. Everyone's the same age eventually... meaning dealing with the same problems. Dealing with trying to get the best deals, trying to be healthy in every day choices, struggling to make that last final paycheck last. Money runs the world, so don't waste your parent's money. Go out and find something to occupy yourself right now, rather than hanging out with friends. There's more to life than them. You'll soon start to forget these memories anyway, because you'll soon realize much better moments are to come worth remembering. Also, stop blaming them for yourself not being good in school because no one ever pushed you. You'll realize that your stubborn self is the only reason why you didn't end high school with a good GPA.
Explore, but don't explore too much. Just focus on school, I'm not shitting you. You're gonna get so caught up in loving the young adolescent life, partying and staying out late, that you aren't going to think you are good enough to go to a four-year university right out of high school. Honestly, you're going to regret it by the time you graduate community college, getting all A's, because you realized you could have been this good in academics in high school if you gave a shit about it earlier. But, it's not a bad thing to stay in cosmetology and go to that community college. Just know, that you will regret it a little bit for not being able to learn at your amazing university longer.
The next chapter of your life after letting go of the past is going to bring you to write something like this. It's going to bring you so much happiness that you're going to be a little saddened you hadn't figured it out sooner. Adulting isn't scary. It isn't going to ruin your young spirit. The only thing that's going to ruin you is holding yourself back because of everyone else besides you. You will get the chance to find yourself. You think you've found yourself already, but you haven't. You aren't a badass. You know absolutely nothing besides hate and depression.
Challenge yourself. Fast forward to 6 years and you ARE on the pursuit of being total badass material. Take my advice, and you'll probably be even greater with an awesome boyfriend who pushes you to be your absolute best, with many jobs lined up and a better sense of self. If not, you'll be just fine.
Sincerely,
You in 6 years.
