Hey you. Look at that, it is almost 2017! One more year around the Sun, and we're doing pretty okay now, great even!
Your life is not at all what you ever thought it would be. As it turns out, it is shaping up to be a huge shadow of everything you considered for two seconds and brushed away.
Like for instance, you're nine years old, and you just heard the phrase "woman in science" for probably the first time. You don't actually know a whole lot about what science is (spoiler alert: you still, kind of, don't), and you never thought for more than a moment you would want to pursue it. No, you are much too good at creative writing. Besides, you've never been good at science anyway. That's a really cool concept for some other girl, but not you. Wrong. You have so much you have yet to discover, my love. There are parts of our world you could not even imagine yet. Don't doubt your abilities. You don't have to be the smartest one in the room and trust me that will not happen often anyway.
Speaking of powerhouse, girl, learn to slow down. It will help you later on. You physically, emotionally, and psychologically cannot do it all. If you learn your limits now, you'll have a much easier time committing to things that you want to do later. On that token, you don't have to do everything. At some point, your resume is built enough, and one more year of this or that won't actually add that much other than stress to your life. Take time to take time. Enjoy time with your friends, and take care of yourself first and foremost.
As you grow and mature, you'll learn that all of those "major things" were so minute and could not have less of an impact. You'll learn that you evolve--like a Pokemon. Okay, not really like a Pokemon, but it's fine to look back at where you came from and notice change. In fact, I encourage you to notice. Even though you'll have times where you don't like the person that you were or cringe at something you said that shows progress. Progress is what keeps culture going and society in motion; isn't that a lovely thing to have a part in.
You'll also come to learn that you are a reckless optimist (for the most part). Yes, sometimes you wallow in your own pity party, but you are annoyingly optimistic. You throw good vibes at anyone and everyone who wants to swat them away. It'll cause your heart to be lighter when you are about to break your bondage from pessimism. Sure, pessimism is safe, but who likes safe anyway? Optimism is like our little adventure. You'll wear your heart on your sleeve, and you'll be so vulnerable. However, you'll eventually allow yourself to use that optimism to empathize. My dear, don't stifle that empathy for anyone. It is your gift to feel and know. It mobilizes you. Keep letting it.
One final thing. Love yourself. It will be an ongoing journey for the rest of your life, I promise, but the earlier you learn to love your laugh, your semi-crooked smile, your body, your mind, your toes, your emotions, and your awkward self the easier it might be after the hard days. What I mean by that is there will always, always be hard days where you simply cannot find anything you love about yourself. It's okay. It's just a weird funk, but the earlier you accept all of your insecurities the quicker you'll be able to get back to loving them. If that didn't make any sense, I am sorry. But then again, you know how confusing our brain is.
With abounding hope, love, and openness,
Your future self
