An open letter to the person who ruined me:

People change. I am afraid that the person you once knew and loved has transformed into someone new that you have neglected to get to know. Yet, I feel you too have changed. You are colder, more distant than you were in the past. The young couple who held hands and stared into each others' eyes with matching twinkles has moved on and are no longer here.

I find it astonishing that even though there is vast physical distance between the two of us, your words pierce me just as painful as if you were standing behind me holding a knife. I am surprised that someone who has been so cruel to me over our time together still has the power to wound my guarded heart. I should not care for you. I should have run the second I saw you, knowing full well nothing good would come of us. Still, I let myself believe in a fairy tale that is long gone, for you are a wolf clothed in the fur of a lamb. I hoped you would have realized that your love for me overpowered your need to control everything involving me and our life together. I see now I was a fool, for this will never happen. I am left questioning everything. Is a life of stability and no happiness preferable to a life filled with the unknown? What kind of example am I setting for others if I come back to you, or rather if I don’t? These are the questions that occupy my nights and keep me from the sanctuary that is sleep. I wish my views were as black and white as yours, but it seems I inhabit a world that is filled with shades of gray.

Gone are the days of our carefree and foolish romance. I don’t know which way to turn. I am reeling with thousands of questions swirling around my brain. Was our relationship always doomed? Is every relationship bound to end in flames? Do I deserve more? Do I settle for what I know, or venture out without knowing what the future holds? I don’t know.

You have ruined me, both in a physical and emotional sense. The love I once believed in lies shattered on the floor in front of me and it seems no amount of glue can put those pieces back together. It seems impossible, but I both love and loathe you. It appears the only question left is: now what?

Yours Truly,