To My Fellow Shy People,
You know who you are. You’re the quiet kid in class, you're not often an attention-seeker but rather an attention-giver. You get badgered with questions such as “Why don’t you speak up more?” or “Why so quiet?” and while you wish you could ramble on with an answer, you’re not much of a chit-chatterer, now are you?
It seems the outsiders (the extroverts) may not always understand our reasoning behind our silence. But from one shy person to another, we understand our type. So this is for us, and here are 11 things I’m sure we can all relate to.
1. We’re misunderstood. Just because we’re not the most vocal bunch, others think we’re weird. They think we’re unfriendly. They think we’re boring. They underestimate us. They don’t understand why we keep so quiet.
2. We’re not good in large crowds. How many times have you been to a large gathering or party and only stuck by your immediate family’s side or best friend’s side because you were too nervous to approach new people? How overwhelmed were you during college orientation, when you were surrounded by hundreds of new faces, and didn't know a single one? Large groups of strangers take us out of our comfort zones.
3. We have to work harder to make ourselves known. Professors always seem to remember the frequent hand-raisers, and not the quiet ones, regardless of who actually studies more. It’s the people who are more outgoing and talkative who make connections with others, and seem to have more opportunities presented to them -- even if we're just as qualified.
4. We can only be ourselves around our friends. While we may be seen as shy around people we just met, once we become comfortable around people, we unleash our true selves. The people close to us see a different side of us than everyone else sees. Our level of comfort around a person affects how we act.
5. We think too much. Since we’re not always speaking what we feel, we let all our thoughts rattle in our brains. We live in our own little worlds - in our own heads. We keep too much to ourselves, and well, let's face it, that's not always good.
6. We prefer smaller groups. Instead of hanging out with a large groups of friends, we're fine with just getting lunch with one friend. Larger groups of people, especially if we don't know everyone there as well, make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather have a few close intimate relationships with others, rather than have lots of people in our lives. Small hangouts are optimal for us - we like the closeness and the opportunity to really be ourselves.
7. We don’t crave attention. OK, everyone likes attention, but we don’t strive to make ourselves noticed. We don’t dress like Lady Gaga, we don’t constantly post about ourselves on social media, and we try to live under the radar. We're low key. We're not always public about what is going on in our lives.
8. We’re observers. Since we’re usually not the ones in the spotlight, we usually watch everyone else. We notice more. We like to be the audience instead of having an audience. But we're good listeners, and people often tend to come to us to share their problems.
9. Public speaking is a big “NO.” Every time I see a participation grade on a syllabus, or have a class presentation, I cringe a little. School is no longer about how well you can read a textbook and relay that information on an exam; it’s about how well you can give a presentation or a speech, or how well you can debate on an issue. And for us, it’s a little more difficult, as we have to step outside our safety nets to be successful. Our innocent little personality quirk is now factoring into our grades and how people view us.
10. People don’t always take the time to get to know us. They figure “oh, she’s just the quiet girl, or he’s just the shy boy,” and they think that’s all there is to us. WRONG. Sometimes we need those people in our lives that will knock down our walls. The people that will make an effort to engage in conversation with us and break us out of our shells.
11. We put ourselves down too much. Why can’t I just be as bubbly as her? Why didn’t I speak up? Why am I so shy? And well, we can’t really help it. It’s part of our personalities - part of who we are, and while shyness can be worked on, it’s not something one can cure overnight.
