Dear Ex-Future Husband,

Although I thought we were going to spend forever together, apparently, I guess I was wrong. We had plans. Big plans. We spent so much time together and we were so happy. We had our moments and sometimes we argued, but we still loved each other. I guess I was wrong. We were working together to help ourselves. We were both contributing to our future. I would wake up next to you and that would always put me in the best mood. We would make breakfast together, we would watch Netflix together, we would vent to each other. We were best friends, as well as lovers. I was incredibly in love with every part of you, and I thought you saw me the same way. I guess I was wrong.

When you first told me how you really felt, I was shocked. I was at a lack for words. I wouldn’t speak because my heart had just shattered. I kept telling myself that you were lying to me. I kept telling myself that you didn’t mean it. I walked away from you. I needed a moment to wrap my mind around this. Everything I had ever imagined my future consisting of had just burst at the seams.

After a few days of accepting that you were telling the truth and just being honest with me about how you really felt, I slowly but surely packed my things and left your life.

I didn’t want to leave your life completely, but being friends with you seemed harder than being in a passionless relationship with you. Changing my Facebook relationship status seemed harder than expected. It was even harder to delete our pictures together. I found myself constantly wondering “is there someone else?” and “what could I have done different?”

But, I won’t beat myself up over this. I won’t let this failed relationship be the death of me. I won’t let it drag me down… I’ll let it build me up.

Because now I know.

Now I know the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Now I know that even though you weren’t happy with us together as a couple, you still loved me. You weren’t in love with me anymore, but you still loved me.

No matter how hard the battle was, I am moving on. I am moving past the hurt, and I am making my life even better now. Even though I quit my job and transferred schools, it wasn’t to be further away from you, it was to be closer to my goals and now I don’t have to worry about letting my life revolve around us.

Now I don’t have to worry about striving to please anyone other than myself. Now I can focus on my own goals instead of our goals. Now I can be my own person and let someone fall in love with me, the real me. With all my flaws, imperfections, and previous mistakes, I still have a lot going for me. I am still attending college to make my future a better one. I am still working a part-time job so I can pay my own bills and support myself through college.

I guess the main thing I want you to know is this: my world did not stop revolving. My world didn’t stop at all, even though there for a moment, I thought it did. I kept moving forward.

And I will continue moving forward.

I will move forward until I have reached all of my goals. I will continue to move forward until I’ve found exactly what makes me happy.

I know that I can continue on without you.

I know that I will make it through life without you.

It’ll be okay. It’ll get better. And most importantly: It’ll be worth it.