Things I Never Said
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Relationships

Things I Never Said

A love like this won't last forever

15

Dear _____________,

6/16/17

I never believed in love at first sight before I met you. Lust at first sight, yes. But, love is so complicated and strong I could never fathom how people said they loved someone as soon as they met them. You see, I used to believe that: The world isn’t fair enough to grant us soulmates. Love is made up of chemicals. And I hated 99.9% of the male species. All I’d ever known was broken marriages and “love” that never lasted. All I’d ever known was my best friend completely distraught over boys who had broken and taken advantage of her. All I’d ever known was my mom being continuously emotionally destroyed by men. All I’d ever known was that men were placed on Earth to prey on women. Their sole purpose was to lure women and girls in, manipulate us, and then leave us with a shattered heart and a wounded soul. That’s all I’d ever known. But, when I saw you. I saw potential, which was my first mistake. I saw how your eyes watched me whenever we’d be in the same vicinity. I saw how your beautiful milky brown eyes seemed to view directly into my soul so, that’s why it became so hard to look at you. I thought the way you stared at me meant something. I thought the way you talked about me to your friends meant something, Even if your glances meant that you at least thought I was pretty, I was content with that. Your beauty is indescribable. I will never find anyone as enchanting as you. When I’m in your presence my stomach turns and I often find myself entranced. You exude the upmost confidence yet, you are a mystery to me. Your mystery intrigued me. Your mysteriousness fascinated me. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know if I at least crossed your mind at some point or another. So, when I friended you on Facebook and you messaged me first I was elated. I couldn’t believe you’d actually remembered to talk to me after all the times my friend had to remind you. Then, when you suggested we FaceTime and I finally heard your voice, I was speechless. You looked magnificent even at 3am. When you kept asking me what I liked and my interests, I thought it meant something. When you stared at me the whole time we talked, I thought it meant something. The fact that you even wanted to speak to me, I thought it meant something. But, before we hung up, you didn’t even say goodnight. You said goodbye. That’s when it became apparent to me that I was just an option out of your boredom. You see, the conversation we had meant everything to me. Yet, it meant nothing to you. After that conversation, you never messaged me. You never texted or called after that conversation so it became apparent that I truly did mean nothing to you. You were bored, and I was up so you just wanted a conversation and nothing more. Well, here’s what I need to say to forget you. Here’s what I need to say for me to not feel for you anymore. I loved you since I’d first seen you but you were so out of my league that I forced myself to forget you. I couldn’t even fathom the thought of us being together because you were so untouchable to me. You were my first love. I know I sound crazy but no one else has ever had that affect on me. The day you didn’t text back, I woke up in the middle of the night to check my phone and to no avail, you hadn’t replied. I cried throughout that whole day, I couldn’t eat, and most importantly, my heart physically hurt. I thought about it over and over again and if I could never have sex with you, I would’ve still loved you. If someone would’ve threatened your life in front of me, I would’ve risked my life for you. I felt things for you that were crazy, insane even and I could not even tell you why. I felt things for you so much so that I didn’t want to exist anymore because the things I feel are so strong. Unrequited love is the most immeasurable, gut wrenching pain to ever experience and I would not wish this on my worst enemy, not even you. I hope you never fall for someone the way I feel for you because it will destroy you. It destroyed me, even if it just was for a day. But, that day was the most painful day of my life. I know from time to time that I will think about you and maybe I will never fully be able to forget you or the feelings I had but, I will be and am happy without you. I thank God that He allowed me to even feel a love like this because now I know that I never want to allow my heart to feel this type of pain again. So, thank you for reassuring me that love is just a chemical and that I will never mean anything to you. I wish you the best in life and I wished, and hoped, and prayed that we would have worked but, we didn’t and we won’t and I will learn to be okay with that. As you said before, Goodbye.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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