Hey,
Soon as you came into my life you made a huge mark. We met in a hallway at college and I could probably replay it in my mind a thousand times. I totally bothered you while you were studying but you were nice about it. There definitely was that time where I thought of you as just a friend, but it was brief. I thought to myself, wow this guy is great. You're smart, caring, and you supported me. I thought maybe I deserved someone like you.
You always listened to me rant and we like the same sports team. We are both die-hard fans whether you like to admit it or not. Okay, maybe it was deeper than that because we did have many great conversations about life as well. It was a really nice feeling that you trusted me and vice versa. Seeing you always made my day, because I just enjoyed your presence. I always tried my best to cheer you up, even when you were stubborn. You were also there for me every single time there was something wrong. You could always read my mind like no one else could.
The time came when I ultimately felt like I had to do something.
It was eating me alive that I liked you. I had to make a decision about how I felt and if it was worth jeopardizing our friendship. I've never been one to take risks but I pushed forward anyway.
You know in those movies where they have the girl contemplate a pros and cons list? Well, that wasn't me. I basically just said "hey I'm going to do this right now" and did it. Was it worth it? Yes. Do I regret it? No. The truth is you're not perfect and neither am I. We tried to handle the situation as best as we could. Stupid feelings got in the way of everything and it messed up this great friendship that we had.
Maybe I don't understand feelings. Does anyone though? Maybe I didn't feel as deeply as I thought I did for you? I don't know if you can tell but I'm not really good at explaining how I feel about someone. It wasn't exactly easy to open my heart to you. After everything that happened, all I wanted was to not lose you. It felt horrible talking to you afterward because I just felt like I was bothering you. I still do.
The worst thing that happens when you mix friends and feelings is that when it's over, you lose two in one.
I was always kind to you and that had nothing to do with my feelings. I defended you constantly when you were up against the wall. It almost doesn't feel fair but you never asked me to defend you so I guess that's my fault. I just graduated and I didn't even hear congratulations from you. You're probably dealing with a lot of crap now but it really hurt.
I refuse to compare myself to any woman you have interest in now. I only just hope that whoever she is, she makes you happy. You deserve to be happy.
No matter the stupid feelings, I never wanted our friendship to change.
I'm never going to hold a grudge because that's not who I am. There is not one thing that I regret. Except maybe the fact you never invited me to a Yankee game, just kidding. We have had some great memories that I will always cherish.
This is not a pity letter and I don't expect you to feel bad for me. I'm not petty about anything that happened. I'm absolutely fine. You're now the Lucas to my Haley, and I know you'll get that reference.
I'm still going to smile every damn time I listen to a Kendrick Lamar song. I'm going to want to text you every time I see anything about the Yankees. That's just the way my mind works. I'm not sorry about it.
Please tell me that you'll never stop writing. I know you doubt yourself but I would never lie to you. You're a great writer (don't get cocky) but, I look forward to reading your book in the future. I know you're scared about graduation but I mean who isn't? I certainly was and I'm still dealing with it. You're strong you'll get through it.
My point of this whole article is that I want to move on from this. I want to be able to text you about the game, life, or school. I want to be able to see you in a group setting and say hi without it being weird. Maybe all this made our friendship stronger?
Who knows if you'll even read this because I don't think you ever read my articles. You might laugh at it, or you might be mad. However, I hope I can get my friend back. It's your call.
