Dear guy in my life,

No, it's not your fault. I don't want to treat you this way, like I'm accusing you of something, but it is just how I am now. It's not that you did me wrong because it wasn't you. It was him. So, I shouldn't take things out on you. However, it's not that easy. You see, I didn't think he would do it, and that's why I am so messed up. They all start out the same; sweet, saying all the right things, a "good" guy. That's not always the case, though, and it wasn't with him. I know you're different. You've shown me that a million times and I believe you. It's just that once I go through something like that, it's always in the back of my mind. And nowadays? It's just so common. I mean, social media aids it, and hardly anyone has true respect for relationships anymore. I know you won't do it... but I can't stop myself from wondering.

I know we fight about this a good bit. I worry too much about other girls, your ex's, and what you're doing when I'm not around. I trust you I promise, it's just that I've been told not to worry about that girl he was best friends with, or his ex before, and it turned out that I should have worried. I know you're just with a buddy having guy time, but that part of me wonders. I can apologize and say it's never going to happen again, and I promise I will try, but I can't say it won't be on my mind. It's always there. Now once we are married? Will it go away? Maybe, but it's not for certain. Sure, I will feel better with the ring on my hand knowing that you chose me, but what if you change your mind.

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I hate my insecurities. I think every girl on this planet wishes that they could just not care, but I've yet to meet a girl that accomplished it. It's who we are.

So, I am just gonna apologize for the next million times that my insecurities get in the way of us. I really am NOT worried about that girl that likes your IG pics, or your ex, especially (I mean, EX for a reason right?). But I can't say that I won't let that feeling make me say stupid things.

So don't give up, and I know you won't. I know it's a lot of baggage to deal with, but with the pain and heartbreak comes a strength that can push through anything, and that is exactly what we will do.

Signed,

The girl with a whole lotta trust issues.