A Letter To "The Fixer,"
You are the one who brings all the best attributes to the table. You are caring for others. You care so much that you make their problems your own. You are loyal. Loyal to the ones who deserve it and the ones who do not. You are forgiving. Forever giving endless chances to people who may never change. You are loving. You put your all into those and what you love because it is of the utmost importance to you. You are a fixer. You are the person who is caring, loyal, forgiving, and loving to others in the hopes of fixing their problems, but tends to neglect your own.
You are the one people go to for advice. You listen and you respond, and you stand by people's sides until the situation is resolved. People around you, the ones you care for and remain loyal and forgiving to, learn to see you as "the fixer." You are the one people seek out in times of need, and because of how you are rooted, you drop everything for those you love.
Unfortunately, in an attempt to give your all to others, you wind up leaving nothing for yourself. Sitting there expecting others to do for you as you do for them is simply an unrealistic expectation in this day and age. It's not that everyone is against you, it's just that everyone is for themselves.
Coming to this realization, seeing that you are in a vicious cycle is nothing short of discouraging. Never in this life did I think being nice, kind, caring, and loyal would do so much damage to one's self. It proves to be a blessing and a curse in the best and worst sense. It proves to be a curse to the fixer, and a blessing to all those around him or her.
What makes that realization so discouraging is knowing that in order to end the cycle, you have to change who you are as a person. This means shifting your roots and changing all you know in an attempt to save your own sanity. It means taking the time to do something for yourself instead of for someone else, and that is a foreign concept.
When you spend your life focusing on how to better others, how to make sure each and every action you make has nothing but a positive benefit on those around you, doing something for yourself is not something that comes naturally. It seems selfish, but for a fixer, sometimes it's something that has to be done because in the end, you are no help to others if you lose yourself in your entirety.
So, here's to no longer hoping for a change, but making a change. Here's to learning gray in a black and white world. Learning that not every new step in life requires a new challenge. Learning that you can help others without making their problems your own. Learning to keep the best parts of yourself without losing your sanity and your happiness in the long run. Here's to recreating yourself as a whole new kind of problem solver and fixer here's to the new and improved you.
Best of Luck,
The Fixer Who Saved Herself
