A Letter To The First Man Who Ever Broke My Heart
Start writing a post
Relationships

A Letter To The First Man Who Ever Broke My Heart

A letter meant for the man who was supposed to be my first love, but is now a letter for the first man who broke my heart.

202
A Letter To The First Man Who Ever Broke My Heart
Charlie Hang/Unsplash.com

This letter, to the first man who broke my heart, has been long overdue. Well, here goes everything.

Dear Dad,

I loved you with everything I had; when you and mom didn't work out and I had hope for years that you would get back together, when you didn't come to my high school graduation, and even when you didn't come to any of my high school or college soccer games. I loved you from the day I was born until the day you decided my love wasn't good enough, that seeing me didn't benefit your life, or that you felt your presence wasn't necessary. I apologized for things I never did, I cried for hours at a time and even woke up crying at times. I checked my phone for messages, missed calls, a voicemail... I still do, but nothing ever comes.

So, this letter to you, is me letting go. Letting go of the hope. It's me letting go of that fantasy I held onto for so long. I'm letting you go Dad, because I love you. I loved you through the fights, the tears, the endless visits you cancelled on, the people you saw instead of me, and the vacations you went on without me. Isn't that what love is about? Letting something or someone you love and care about so much go?

I've tried; I've called and I've pushed my pride aside and spoke with you in person about everything and we hashed out the past. We've cried together, we've grown together, and I thought we'd persevere and finally have that relationship I had always dreamed about. The endless nights of asking and begging God "why? what did I do wrong? why am I so hard to love?". I began to question my belief in a higher power. I thought those days were finally over. Then I realized you were never going to come see my college soccer games, or just come see me, because if you didn't want to drive thirty minutes to my house, then you'd never drive four hours to see me. You gave me false hope and you lead me on to believe the lies you drilled in my head. All the excuses, all of the events you missed in my life. Did you know you'd be my first heart break? Have you ever sat down and thought about me, or how hard this would affect my life?

But you also didn't know your little girl needed you. You didn't know what happened on January 24, 2016. You didn't know what happened, because I hadn't told anyone. You couldn't have ever known, because everyone thought I was just an angsty teen who rebelled against everyone who tried to reach out. You didn't know that was the day a part of me died, and a part of me didn't belong to me anymore. You couldn't have known because you didn't want to know. Who would? You just assumed when I said I was fine that I told you the truth, and you assumed I wanted you to come see me because I needed money or I was using you for something. You didn't know that I resented you after that, for not taking me back to school instead of someone else, for not being there for me. You had no clue.

(And to the people reading this story now, who have gone through similar issues with their father or mother, you are not alone. You will get through this. I thought I would never forgive, but I did. I made something more for myself and my future, thanks to the people I surround myself with, especially my family. You will become a better person by going through and getting over this minor set back. It may seem big and extremely upsetting for some people right now but you will grow from this experience. Going through this for me made me more independent and less vulnerable to a lot of other situations.)

So, father, whether you read this one day or not. Just know, you may have hurt me and broke me but you have also made me into who I am today. I forgive you for everything, but I will never forget the scar you've left me with. I hope you're well and I always think about you.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

50502
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

32283
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

955594
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

180684
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments