I cannot even lie and tell you that I never hated you. Right after you made me feel as though my heart was ripped out of my chest, I could not stand the sight of you. I had the constant hankering to punch you right in the face and maybe let you get a small taste of the pain that I went through. Because that is exactly what it felt like: someone repeatedly punching my heart.
It was easier when you left, because then I did not actually have to look at you. That did not stop me from thinking about you, though, and knowing that I was not involved in any of the thoughts that crossed your mind also killed parts of me. I was young and at the time it was the end of the world, game over.
After a while, though, I started to feel better. The longing to punch you in the face also subsided, and now I am very glad to say that we are still friends.
If you were all looking for a hate post, this is not it. Because I found out the hard way that wasting all of your time on hating someone is just very tiring, and it really can put a strain on your emotional health. What did I find more beneficial instead?
Still loving you.
Not in the way that I did at one point - or at least how I thought that I did, because honestly I was like fifteen. But still keeping up with you and being your friend is honestly so satisfying to me. We can still talk and it seem like we haven't been out of communication for months. We can still go to each other if we need an honest opinion and we need advice, and it isn't weird.
There was one point in time when I really thought that we were going to go places, be something. Now, I can see why we didn't.
You're still a great guy, and some day there is going to be a girl deserving of the love that I wanted at one time, and it is going to work out perfectly. I still enjoy seeing where your aspirations take you and watch you succeed in life. I wouldn't want it any other way for you.
