I’m not going to tell you that Mr. Right is hiding in the cubbies on the second floor of the library or in a booth at the dining hall. I’m not going to tell you that your next wonderful boyfriend resides in the residence hall parallel to yours. I’m not going to tell you that you’ll find your potential hubby within the time constraints of four years of college.
What I am going to tell you is that where and when you find your prince charming is in the hands of time and I cannot read the palms of the future. You can’t read palms either so please, be patient. Be patient with your heart, be gentle with your thoughts, and nourish your soul.
All too often I hear negative statements flowing from girls’ mouths -- statements of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and frustration.
Why am I not good enough? Where are all the good boys? When is it going to be my turn? Why can’t I have a relationship like that? What am I doing wrong?
Ladies -- stop telling yourself such bad things. Breathe. Take a moment and realize you are doing absolutely nothing wrong. Believe me, I understand your taste for companionship and desire for someone to love and support you. I wish for the same things myself.
The reason you are single is not because you aren’t good enough. You are good enough. You are more than enough. It is not because you aren’t pretty. You are beautiful, radiating sunshine from your heart and your smile. It is not because there aren’t “good boys.” They exist. Stop looking for them. They’re like the pink or teal sea-glass that washes upon shore -- a rarity, but the tide will bring them along the coast and you’ll happen across it.
I also want to remind you -- do not settle. Do not settle for less than you deserve. Do not settle for someone less than a man who kisses your forehead for no reason. Do not settle for a man who doesn’t open doors for you. Do not settle for someone who texts you when it’s convenient. Wait for the man who calls you to say goodnight when he’s away. Do not settle for a boy who doesn’t make you feel beautiful. Do not settle for someone who isn’t invested in building a friendship with you. Wait for someone who can be your best friend too. Do not settle for a boy who doesn’t make you an even better version of yourself. Do not settle for a man who doesn’t celebrate your accomplishments and support your dreams -- he is not a man, he is still just a boy. Do not settle for a boy, wait for a man. Wait for someone you can grow with.
Stop looking in the corner of a frat basement in search of a cute boy that’s lonely for love too. He’ll see the same beauty I do in you, but he won’t cherish it. He’ll see it in a blur, a fleeting instant, before the interest melts into lust and all he sees is a body. You are not just your body. Remember that. Wait for someone who sees and loves the soul existing inside that body. Stop swiping on Tinder and Bumble, searching for approval and compliments on a social media platform rooted in superficiality. Wait for the cute boy behind the counter of the supermarket to tell you that your smile is cute when you blush as change falls from your wallet.
If you’re wondering why should I even listen to her? I know what it’s like. I’ve been in your position. I’m still in the same position, standing right next to you. I know what it’s like to spark an interest with a drunken attractive boy under the fluorescent lights of a party. I know what it’s like to swipe through Tinder and Bumble and just end up with a handful of disappointment. I know what it’s like to look at couples and think when is it going to be me? Trust me girl, I know. So listen when I say I know we deserve better than the crappy guys we’ve encountered and there’s no shame in waiting. There’s nothing wrong with us because we are single.
While you are “waiting,” celebrate yourself. Enjoy ladies’ nights and flirting with cute boys. Have fun and don’t let your heart grow heavy. Pamper yourself, dye your hair the color you always wanted to, and spend an extra five bucks on that Essie nail polish because you can. Date yourself. Treat yourself. Respect yourself. Highlight your strengths and focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Relish the friendships you have and do not let bitterness ruin the sweetness of your tongue. Stretch out on your bed and fill it with pillows. Buy yourself an extra drink and dress up because you feel pretty. Love yourself because the one person that can love you IS you. Stop searching for love and find self-assurance instead.
I will remind you again you are beautiful, wonderful, extraordinary, intelligent. You are bright and lovely. The status of your relationship isn’t telling of your beauty or the strength of your character. You are brilliant and incredible. Do not forget that.
Date someone out of interest, out of intrigue, and out of an attraction to their entire being -- personality and persona included. Do not date someone out of loneliness. You are not lonely. You are fiercely independent and it’s about time you appreciate yourself for that incredible independence. Be confident and not because boys like it. Be confident because you are an amazing woman capable of whatever you put your mind to. Be confident because you deserve to be.
It is cliché, but it is true and I promise you when the time is right, the right boy will cross paths with you and hop, skip, trip – whatever clumsy tumble he takes – into your life. Until then, you keep doing you, girl.
