"She never said no."
Dear Rape Culture,
It was Halloween weekend my freshman year of college. I went to go celebrate it with my best friends at their school. I was in an area that I had not known but I told my parents I would be completely safe. I went out and celebrated at a house party. I danced with a guy that I was told was a decent man. He told me he had to show me something upstairs. Nobody was there to hear me because the party had been shut down. I ran barefoot out of the house with no idea where I was going. I was running through groups of people holding my socks and shoes trying to find anybody I knew. I found my friends. They stared at me asking what was wrong. I felt alone and terrified. My best guy friend told me that it was my fault. I felt at a loss for words as I walked back to their dorm.
I went into the shower with hopes that somehow the water would wash away the trauma I had experienced. My friends told somebody and the cops were called. I went to the hospital and the only person who believed me was the cop who drove me. The detective thought I was lying about what had happened. They said they couldn't do anything because I had showered the evidence off. My clothes were taken for evidence that would never go to court because it was a he said/she said case. The guy who had raped me got off completely free of his charges. I had never felt more alone in my life. The people who knew had no words for what had happened and either avoided the topic or blamed me for what had happened. Yes I was drinking. No I didn't say no, but it was never consensual. I asked if I could leave. I said I didn't want to be there. I was held down against my will. The second he let go of me I ran as fast as I could. But in today's rape culture I guess it is my fault. I guess my Halloween costume was too revealing. I guess I danced with him the wrong way so I was asking for it. I guess the only reason I said that I had been raped was because I regretted what I had done.
You are wrong, and today's rape culture is to blame for all of this.
Being a criminal justice major, you learn a lot of things about rape and what culture has to say about defining rape. However, when you personally experience something as traumatic as this, you get a much clearer image of what rape truly is. So many women do not report being raped because they are either afraid of the offender or too embarrassed of what others will think of them. Do you understand how pathetic it is that people who are raped are afraid of what others think? We have been brought up in a society where women are the ones blamed for being raped. We dress too slutty so we are asking for it. We drink too much so it is our faults when we can't say no. We flirt with a guy a little bit at a bar so we are basically asking to have sex with him. As women, we are taught to not get raped and to stick together in groups so situations like this never happen to us instead of society teaching men not to rape. This is what society thinks of rape today and they could not be any more wrong.
Know how it feels before you express your feelings.
When I went through everything, I felt isolated, alone, and as though the whole world was against me. I refused to talk to anybody about it because all I got back was negative feedback saying that it was all my fault. I held in all of the pain it left me and I built a wall around myself so that it would never happen to me again. I changed my perception of men in college altogether and to this day I can say I will never feel the same about men. I want people who have never been raped to understand one thing: instead of blaming us, how about you believe us and stand by our sides and listen to what we have to say before blaming us for the situation at hand.
The rape culture we live in needs to end. For good. For those who have experienced it and been alone throughout everything. For those who know what it feels like to be blamed for something they had no control over.
This is my letter to our society saying please end the rape culture that we live in. It does nothing but harm those who experience the trauma. This is my personal statement based off of my experience, and I refuse to believe anything that rape culture has to say about rape and their idea that it is the woman's fault. It is society's fault for raising men to treat women with such disrespect as though we are simply objects that one can just throw around.
Sincerely,
The one who will never forget
