I know that you don't have the time or patience to deal with someone like me. Maybe you think I am too dependent, or you were scared that I would use you like a crutch. Maybe you think my parents caudled me and I can't be an independent learner because I always had everything given to me. You get angry at me when you have to repeat information for the umpteenth time, you get annoyed when I ask questions about the slides or visual aids, but did you ever stop to think that I needed the interaction to actually learn the material you want me to know. I don't need you to tell me, I need you to guide me.
You see my texts highlighted in multiple colors, you see the many questions I have written in the margins, maybe you even see all the side comments I allude the material to, I even gave you a synopsis of my learning style by email, but you don't seem to care. You just tell me the information and expect me to get it. Well, I am not auditory, I am not visual. I am a kinesthetic learner.
This semester I was put into a direct study theology course with you. I thought it was going to be a blast, but it turned out much more worse than I could have thought. On my first day I showed up in your office, "Hey Professor, we have class today." To which you replied, "Oh yeah, that's right..." then proceeded to ask me how my summer was. After our little catch up, you pulled a book off your shelf, handed it to me, then told me to read it and come back with a paper in three weeks. I tried to ask questions, but you only waved them away and said you would email me. You didn't email me. I had to email you, I didn't even know what questions I should be asking.
I think it's like week 6 now and the paper still isn't completed, and we only met once when you wanted to tell me how terrible I did on my first draft, you straight up guilt tripped me with shame and disappointment as you shook your head. You pushed me into a lake without a life jacket and told me to swim without a syllabus.
Now, I no longer care, my excitement is gone, I feel alone and hopeless without any motivation. I reached out, but you ignored my needs. Maybe you didn't mean to. I mean, I know you're just as busy as me, if not busier, but you forgot to help me. I am not weak for asking for help, for some interaction. It is just how I learn best and I wish you would just understand that. Being kinesthetic is a strength and I am not ashamed. Thank you for all the freedom you gave me to be independent, but what I really needed was some interaction, I am new to this subject and I just needed someone to share the experience with, someone to teach and guide me through the course...I needed you to be involved.
