Dear old friends,

I'm sorry I haven't reached out. I'm sorry I haven't gone out of my way to contact you or ask you how life has been treating you since high school. Life has been pretty hectic for me too, for starters, I'm a boy now. Well, I always have been, and maybe deep down you knew that, too. But now, my outward appearance is finally aligning with what my head has been telling me all these years. Wild, right? How are you? Still the same gender? I'm still in your corner like I always will be, and I'm still rooting you on, even if it is silently on the sidelines.

I haven't reached out or made any efforts to contact you because the last time we spoke, I was technically a female. I understand this is an insane adjustment for you to take in all at once, but it's the reason I haven't been around, that's been holding me back. You see, in today's world, people are extremely opinionated. Often times, who I am, a transgender male, is the butt of the joke and what I am is what people are so extremely opinionated on. Since I've transitioned I've lost a lot of friends, and even family, because they simply don't agree with it.

They don't understand, they don't want to try to either. Maybe I'm afraid to reach out because I don't want to learn that you are among those people and I'll lose you too. However, if I'm being completely honest, all the people I've "lost" who don't agree with the man I've become, were never really a loss to me. I need you to know I'm finally strong enough in myself and the man I am that if you don't agree with it, I won't beg for your acceptance, no matter who you are. So if you want to cut ties with me because I'm no longer the shy and anxiety-ridden girl you knew in high school, so be it, I wish you well on your way.

I'm nervous to reach out because I don't know where you stand on such monumental changes like this. Too many times I had to learn someone's opinion of the transgender community from Facebook or other social media platforms where they comment or share hateful things in regards to us. If you never told me "congratulations!" or "good luck!" on my journey, my mind runs away from me and convinces me that you aren't happy for me at all. I understand, not everyone is, not everyone will be. If we haven't spoken since I transitioned, I will automatically assume you are in disagreement with who I am today, even if that isn't the case. I don't want to embrace or speak to you first, unaware you are unaccepting of me and put us both in an awkward or uncomfortable situation.

So if we see each other in public and I don't give much more than a smile and wave, don't be offended or hurt, it's just me not wanting to overstep my bounds. I can't explain to you why it feels that way, but since I've come out, I've learned it's better to be prepared and to have someone pleasantly surprising you with their acceptance and encouragement than to assume everyone loves you still and being sucker-punched with their rejection.

I hope you know my absence over time since the last time we held an actual, engaged conversation when I was still pre-transition has never been anything personal. Cliché and sounding like a bad breakup, it's not you, it really is me. I'm just trying to avoid any situations where I could possibly associate with someone who doesn't approve of being transgender. I'm not ashamed of myself by any means, and I would never dim my light because it was too bright for someone else, but really, I'm just trying to protect myself. If you see me in public and we haven't spoken, please reach out.

Ease my mind, let me know you still see me as the friend you had years ago. Let me know you can see how much happier I am in my new body. Cheer me on, so I can return the favor. Let me know you're still in my corner like I will always, always be in yours.