Dear Peter Pan,
Hello, it’s me. It’s been a rough go of it, growing up. I’m in college now, with thousands of dollars of student loan debt strapped to my back. You really should’ve taken me with you to Neverland.
You were right, growing up is scary. There’s love and loss, and you never know in what order they’ll come. I always imagined that being older would be exciting – all I really do is drink wine by myself with Netflix to keep me company. I have nagging coworkers, whom I quite enjoy, but snap rubber bands at the back of my head. I have phone bills and tuition payments and federal forms to fill out. Adulting is mean; in comparison, Tinkerbell was nice.
I wish snow still meant snow angels, not “Oh shit, I need to find a way not to fishtail when driving.” I wish computers still meant Pocahontas CD-ROM games, not “I have to start writing my 10-page research paper that’s due tomorrow.” I wish crayons still meant lazy drawing, not “I’m so stressed I need to color to stop from crying.” If you had taken me away, I wouldn’t be stuck in khakis and sweaters at internships.
College is a world where you feel pressured to finish your degree in four years and feel inadequate when you don’t. It’s a world where you’re forced to experience new things and feel insulted when you don’t enjoy yourself. It’s a world where coffee means all-nighters, and Greek Life means parties and 8 a.m. just sucks.
Nap time no longer exists, but neither do cooties. Recess is non-existent, but neither is gym class. Snack time isn’t a thing, but neither is a school-regulated diet. So I guess growing up isn’t too bad, but there definitely are some things I don’t enjoy. Luckily, I still get to color and sing along to Pocahontas and play in the snow (whenever that miracle happens). I still get to go on play-dates with my friends and hold my crush’s hand when we walk home from class. The only difference is “play-dates” means “hanging out” and “crush” means “significant other.”
So I apologize; I guess I’m thankful you let me grow up. Sometimes it sucks, but other times it’s extremely rewarding. There are days when rain clouds follow me around, but sunshine lights the way on others. I may miss a deadline and get anxiety over an exam and be denied admission to grad school, but I get to watch my friends thrive in school and my siblings grow to tower over me and my parents prepare to retire. They help remind me that life keeps moving, no matter what the circumstances are.
Even though I get stressed over the little things, and I care what people think, I’ll always remember that childhood can be found on the second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning. After all, flying only takes faith and trust and pixie dust.
Like Tinkerbell says, “You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you, Peter Pan. That’s where I’ll be waiting.”
Love,
Your real-life Wendy
