An Open Letter To My 10-Year-Old Self

An Open Letter To My 10-Year-Old Self

This might get a little personal, but please hear me out on what you should know.
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I know you won't imagine your life this way, but this is what will happen.

Dear 10-Year-Old Me,

(April 12, 2008 to April 12, 2017)

Mom and Dad will get divorced.

You won't know how to feel about it, that's okay

Mom will get a new boyfriend and you won't like him for a very long time, but that's ok too.

Your parents divorce is NOT your fault and it was bound to happen anyway.

Mom loves you and Dad loves you. Try to love them both without conflicting feelings.

Things are still tricky, but it's ok. You need to remember that they loved you once, and they still love you now.

Special Ed is only temporary.

I know you hate those special education classes.

You are going to study really hard and fight a lot with your counselor on where you belong.

Your grades will be good. But, once you get into your "main stream" courses, they will hurt you more and you won't be getting help, while also dumping on yourself.

College will feel like a giant step from just getting used to high school to even harder. You'll get through it as far as I know for now.

Understand that you are not stupid and there is nothing wrong with processing information at a different pace than everyone else. It is hard, but you can do it.

Moving will become a numbing process.

You are going to move three times. It's no big deal since attachment isn't a thing once you hit 16.

Packing your bags and cramming it into a small car will actually become an amazing skill you gain.

You'll move three times freshman year because of shitty suit mates and each time becomes more swifter.

The best part is you will learn better ways to pack your car without using bins because they are actually bulkier than shrink bags.

Friends aren't important and you will live without them.

You will gain 3 groups of friends and they won't matter much because they are already close to each other and there isn't that much room for you.

Don't stress when they stop contacting you, they moved on fast because you are just a small smudge in their life.

Keep your friends and boyfriend separate or else things get uncomfortable.

Don't get so involved in your social life because it causes your more stress than help, especially if they are dramatic as it is.

You will find friends that are worth keeping and actually want you in the future.

All of your boyfriends suck.

You won't know this until you start having the feelings of regret. You will regret getting into a relationship with any of them and he will break up with you because he is a lying, cheating scumbag.

Keep your personal life personal because your friends will start to hate you due to your relationship problems.

You'll go through many guys and do things that you shouldn't have, but remember you can always go back to being yourself. Keep in mind that if you are doing something you don't like, it's never too late to go back. Run away from the bad choices and don't let that asshole influence you otherwise.

Your friends are going to side with your boyfriend and some of them will even date him.

Being happy single exists, too. But, you will live through this and eventually, you'll find real love again.

Work is work.

You will have a love / hate relationship with your job.

Money will become very important as adulthood is coming closer.

Save your money instead of spending it on your stupid boyfriends and things you don't need. If you really want that tattoo, you should start now.

You will actually really enjoy lifeguarding for most of the time, until you get punched in the nose. Being a cashier is going to suck majorly, but you are going to wish for that job back once you're searching for new jobs again.

Appreciate Mom teaching you life skills.

Cleaning and organizing will be your best traits.

You will learn to sew, knit, dye, clean, and do laundry.

When she offers to teach you something, please take the time to learn it because when you're older you will want her to teach you but you won't have the time.

All your peers will not know how to do simple tasks and they will live in a pigpen but, because you were raised right, you will actually live better and neater.

You won't have a car until college.

You won't even really be comfortable driving for a long time.

You will be the only senior in your high school without a car and takes the bus.

But, guess what? You are actually saving more money in the long run.

You won't get your license until your sophomore year of college.

You have no money to have a car and no place to go, but be grateful because some of your peers won't have a car until after college.

You don't have to be pretty.


I know you really want friends and all the girls who look like they live a happy life in their big groups of friends with their nice clothes and boys surrounding them.

You won't ever really have the money to spend on those stupid clothes, and be happy about that because they are a waste of money anyway.

Buy clothes that make you feel more comfortable and partly cute.

Do not invest yourself into makeup, it's not worth it. You'll only use it for a few week until you get sick of it.

If you want a prettier face, spend more time getting facials and taking care of your acne.

Late puberty does not make you any less of a female.

All the girls are going to start getting their lady parts and periods.

Just be happy those stupid boy hormones are away from you.

You are a girl, and stupid lady parts, hairs, and blood isn't going to make you anymore female. It will come in eventually and you'll be happy with what you get.

Please, please stop wearing padded bras. You'll learn this in high school and people will mock you for your "small" chest all the time, but just give them the finger.

Be happy enjoying life without womanhood killing you constantly.

Be happy being a girl.


BE HAPPY, BE HAPPY, BE HAPPY, BE HAPPY, BE HAPPY, BE HAPPY, BE HAPPY!!

Please stop making yourself miserable because life gets so much better when you're an adult. I know you are sitting and waiting for it, but please just absorb what you can of happiness. And please... keep writing in your diary.

There is so much more I can say, but I'm going to stop it here or else it would be miles long.

Love,

Angelica Kathrine

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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The One Thing Everyone Should Do Before They Graduate

Why I wish everyone could have shared in my end of school adventure.

Lswitka
Lswitka
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The end of freshman year was filled with the abundant stress of final exams, teary-eyed goodbyes, and last looks at my dorm room on South Campus. The academic year was overwhelmingly busy, and I tried my best to soak in every single moment as a first-year college student. But as I'm sure many of you can understand, it's not always possible to make time for the adventures we so desperately desire. I found myself saying "I want to do that!" all year long, and here it was the last week of the year and my bucket list had barely been touched. All those Philadelphia excursions, dreamy coffee shop dates, and campus explorations that I looked forward to never ended up panning out…

… until last Thursday night.

With about half the freshman class moved out of South Campus, everything felt a little strange. There was barely a dinner rush at all in Donahue Dining Hall, and my room looked so empty it almost made me sad. Naturally, I called up a couple of friends. Within minutes, we met in the lounge, and we were off for our adventure.

Every single day on the way to labs in Mendel Hall, I walked past the beloved Falvey Fountain. It had become such a consistent part of my routine that walking past it felt like it was a necessary daily occurrence. But this time, we didn't walk past. In fact, we stopped dead in our tracks and admired its color changing beauty for a brief moment.

And then we dove in!

Yes, we jumped right into the fountain. First the daring adventurer of the group, then his sidekick, then the skeptic, and finally myself. This was definitely not allowed, but no one was around, and more importantly, no one cared. Being knee deep was freezing, but the adrenaline rush was too much to suppress. So we submerged further, dunking each other and splashing the icy water literally everywhere. My wet hair made way for the most epic hair flip of all time, and we all laughed joyously.

All the stress of looming final grades and the completion of projects, the bittersweet goodbyes to our newfound families, and the hassles of packing up for the year were washed away in that fountain, drowned in the euphoria of the moment. We were officially baptized in summer as it dubbed us the kings and queens of adventure.

Afterward, we wrung out our soaking clothes and snapped a quick pic of our drenched selves. Trying to escape the scene hastily, I dropped my bag of M&M;'s. They spilled everywhere, leaving streams of melty chocolate and food coloring running through the aftermath of our fountain dive. The scene looked like a bit of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory had exploded from the fountain and into the night.

I am far from kidding when I say that adventure is a must for everyone, at any stage of life. Whether it's fountain diving at Nova, or sky diving in New Mexico, something about us as human beings needs the unusual, exciting, and even hazardous experiences. This one was particularly cleansing and absolutely unforgettable.

So I implore you: go forth this summer and be adventurous! Explore hidden places, try new eats, shuffle a stranger's playlist, introduce yourself to someone on a whim, or just get in the car and drive with no destination in mind. This summer is for the bold; this summer's for you.

Happy adventuring!

Lswitka
Lswitka

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