Sorry for the crazy long title of the soon-to-be interesting article. But the only thing that seemed to work with this was honesty and being 100 percent blunt. There are a few things I want to say before hand... a lot, actually. But before I get there, I'd like to give an honorable (or in this case, not so honorable) mention to my ex boyfriend. Not my first love. My recent ex boyfriend who I was with for about a year in all technicalities. But then again, do you count the moments in between where he tried to make an impression on me and attempted to weasel his way into my then relationship? I guess that could be a big part of it.

I always told myself that I wouldn't be a victim of brainwashing and manipulation, that I would always and forever -- stick my landing and be the proud, independent woman through all circumstances -- even with having a boyfriend. But even the strongest people are sucked in to the unexpected and do silly things that they wouldn't picture themselves doing. That's what happened to me. So, here I go...

Dear Manipulative Ex,

We started out as best friends, back in the winter of 2014, after my first love broke up with me for what seemed like for good. I was so thankful to have someone like you around -- someone who was willing to do anything to make me happy even if he wasn't completely happy. Or so I thought. But in between all the "so called" good intentions, little did I know you were just waiting to claim me, put me on a pedestal, create something out of me and be some girl who could stroke your ego, because nobody else wanted to. And today, I can see why.

And looking back, maybe you didn't want to really make me happy, not in the way I thought. Maybe you just wanted to take advantage of me, especially since I was in a vulnerable state of heartbreak, and you were easily intimidated by my first love -- who was at the time, your best friend. There was a point where I thought there was only one kind of betrayal... and that kind is the obvious, the visual. I was blinded by a facade, a fake kind of relationship and I didn't realize that I was being manipulated by you because you did it all so well... and I like to see the best in people; a good and bad trait. You smothered me and suffocated me and then used excuses about why you were doing so, so I wouldn't be upset. "I just love you too much, you're too incredible to be away from. " You had all the tactics ready. And when you wouldn't grow up be a man, and get a job, and face reality, you would put on a show that would have me pitying you and feeling guilty later for even questioning you. You kept saying you were going to change. But did you want to change for you back then? And were you just trying to make me feel sad for you? You liked to me to get what you wanted.

You wanted to seem like the good guy, the good boyfriend . . . but you just weren't.

And maybe a big part of it is because I can see how truly creepy you really were. Always calling me your "little girl" and just wanting to make me happy, but would get overly protective about me going off to college and worrying about guys talking to me or taking advantage of me. Oh, the irony on that one. I remember getting into my "drinking til I get totally wasted" phase when you really liked me. We went to parties, and New Years Eve was quite an interesting one. You wanted to kiss me even though I didn't want to, but you made me anyway.

You were easily jealous. I remember doing some things I told myself I wouldn't when I was with you -- things that were dangerous, and I surrounded myself with dangerous and toxic things when I was with you. Sure, some people I was surrounded with were very nice but in the grand scheme of things, the whole scene and you was not a good idea. That spring when we started officially dating, I didn't really put myself together like I had always had. I started wearing t-shirts, not doing my hair, not putting on make up, and I just basically looked like I rolled out of bed. It was a reflection of who you were. Not really caring or putting effort into anything. I didn't try to doll myself up anymore because you said I was already beautiful without make up or without even trying.

I know that it's sweet when boyfriends don't care if a girl wears make up or not, but it was ridiculous how much I stopped trying. I already had you, so why did it matter? That's the thought I had in my head. And I think you always worried about me attracting some other guy or something. Today, my close family members tell me that when I dated you, it was obvious I stopped caring about my appearance, and that worried them. It just wasn't me. I wasn't me. I was sucked into this bubble of just you and I, and not worrying about anything else. I should have cared more, and I shouldn't have changed in that way that wasn't healthy for me or my self esteem.

Through it all, you treated me like royalty. You treated me like a queen. You always put me first. You worried about me. Cared about me. You told me that you loved me, and you wrote me songs and played them for me on your guitar. You did everything for me. But a few times, you said that someday I wouldn't have to work and you would do all the working so I didn't have to lift a finger. I didn't like that, and I could see that you genuine behavior wasn't that genuine. It was strange and a bit obsessive. You were a bit too old school for me.

You were unbearably clingy and suffocating. You wanted to hang out every day. You told me that you respected my alone time, which I valued so very much, but you always always wanted to see me. At first I was fine with it, but towards the middle to the end of the summer of 2014, I was bothered by this, and it brought on a lot of uncomfortable red flags and cringe worthy moments. I was nearing moving into college at UW-Whitewater, and the closer the days got, the more you became anxious, desperate and clingy. When we were together in public, you were physically clingy -- you would always want to hold my hand, have your arm around me, and whenever I was with my family, you were always standing inches behind me. You would always be on my tail, following me. Literally!

And when you knew that bothered me, you tried to hold on tighter. You even proposed to me. I accepted at the time, yes, mainly because I thought you weren't serious and it was just some temporary, cute thing. But boy was I wrong. You were so serious, and you actually told people that we were engaged. You told me that you wanted nobody else but me. You wanted to me forever. CRINGE.

There was that time during the summer that you brainwashed me into thinking that one of my best guy friends liked me, and that he didn't really care about the friendship -- that he wanted to just get to me, even though you and I were dating at the time. You framed him into making him look like the bad guy, even though you were jealous and insecure that there was another guy in my life who was important to me. But why would you do that? Especially if you truly cared. You damaged my friendship with him for the rest of the summer, but we mended our friendship right after you and I broke up. We cleared up a lot of things and realized there was a lot of misunderstandings. I had to apologize because he had done nothing wrong. It was my fault for believing you, and it was you who was a jealous, manipulative person. Now, we look at you and laugh.

One other thing I recall when looking back at your manipulative actions, is when you deliberately lied to me and saw how much it hurt me, but continued to go along with the falseness - all because you were selfish deep down. We were walking through the park one day, and we got on the topic of my first love, your old best friend. You told me that he had moved on and had been dating a girl for awhile, and that he even showed you a photo of her. Obviously, that hurt a lot to hear that. I burst into tears and went into hysterics, about how I was the "only girl" and I was just ultimately sad. You just sat there and watched me cry, and then you said you felt bad that I was crying over my ex boyfriend when you were standing right there.

Manipulation case in point, with a side of lying. But how could you lie to me like that? Risking me feeling hurt and upset? Not your best move. You said that you had to lie about him being with another girl because you were bothered and needed to antagonize him. It made no sense. It just hurt.

When I finally broke up with you, almost a year ago, you continued to upset me at new lengths. I obviously did it in person, but you weren't having it. You kept going on and on about how you weren't going to be the same person, how you would change, and then you made me feel bad about myself in a matter of seconds. You said things like "Well, I don't love you anymore", right after complaining about how this wasn't fair and you would always love me. You always switched it up, trying to find new ways if one way didn't work the first time. There are a lot of other things you said that were infuriating, but I can't remember at the top of my head.

Later, after I broke up with you, I messaged you on Facebook just to see if you were okay, because I am a compassion human with emotion. I still wanted you to be okay, because I knew that you did silly things when you were upset. You went too far, and said that you would try hurting yourself. I actually had to call 911 because I didn't know what to do. Using a serious accusation as a way to make me feel bad and to get what you want, is NOT COOL. For the next two weeks, you messaged me on Facebook, purposely making me feel guilty, trying to make me regret my situation of dumping you. You would brag about how "great" your life was, how you were getting a job as "mail man"?

You went on and on about bragging about things, about how you "moved on," when you were JUST upset and whining moments ago. It was seriously pathetic. Like I said, as a manipulating person, you tried tactic after tactic to get under my skin. You even resorted to talking to my close friends, asking them about me, complaining to them, and trying to befriend them just to spite and annoy me. You definitely annoyed me. We would spend so much time messaging each other and fighting that it was ridiculous. I had broken it off with you but you were still there. I finally shut down, enough with your stupidity and blocked you, which has caused me so much relief. Since then, I have not heard a word from you.

So that's that. We were a thing, we dated. You got me, yes, you had me. But you know what? It was a learning experience. Now, I have the "I dated a manipulative, lying, obsessive guy" out of the way. I can check that one off on my bucket list. Just kidding -- I don't even have a real bucket list. But nonetheless, it's done, and I'm never going back. You were so toxic to me but I couldn't see it underneath all the fake honesty and "cuteness" of it all. And I was vulnerable. You sucked me right in. But it's not exactly over. Dating you has stuck with me -- the experience. You really did a number on me mentally, and you damaged my outlook on men and the dating world. So, thanks. Thanks for that one. I'm afraid to fall in love, not because it's so grand and wonderful, but because I'm afraid of getting intimate emotionally. I'm afraid I'll be taken advantage of, or "played." It's a bunch of things, and you caused all of them. I never understood why I am the way I am today in the guy/relationship department, but it's you. I'm scared.

I just wanted to write this letter to remind you that what you did was uncalled for, but I will grow from it and I will not suffer from it forever. I am resilient, and something good will come out of this. As for you: you're just a weird ex boyfriend that I dated once upon a time ago. I won't deny it, but I'm not necessarily proud of it. But like I said before, we all learn from our mistakes and bad judgement. Now I know that sometimes (not always, but it'll be hard to learn this) nothing is always as perfect as it seems on the outside.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Learned (and was too cool for you, anyway)