We've dreamed about this phase of life, stared at women in their 20's painted on magazines. Looked up to the older women around us. The perfect body. The perfect clothes. The perfect job. The perfect husband. The perfect life. Their bubbly spirit and way of capturing a room full of people. The list goes on and on. The dream house, the wedding colors, our kids' names... It's simple, right? Anything but.
Instead you may find yourself graduated, but soon realize that college doesn't hand you a career. You move into your first apartment that you share with about 10 other people so you all can make ends meet (yes, that's an exaggeration). You rely on your parents more than you'd like to. And "dating" is usually code for free meal. Not that you wouldn't love a solid guy, but who has time to sift through the sea when you yourself don't even have your life together. You hear all of these stories about Christian couples knowing each other since they were 12 and getting married when they're 18. Part of you envies that it was that easy and part of you is terrified to share your life with someone that early.
All this to say: It's nothing what you expected. And that seems to be a common theme developing in your life right now - nothing is what you expect it to be. Your best friend's getting married. Most of the girls from high school have a baby. And somewhere in all of that you kind of feel like you're just existing.
You're not out on Friday nights drinking like everyone else because 1. Who can actually afford that? and 2. Your 'Christian' voice of responsibility would be sounding sirens.
The weight of expectation makes you want to throw up. All eyes on you. You're a young Christian woman. You should be settling down, finding yourself, finding a man. Right?
The stereotypes of Christian women actually make me a little nauseous. They're much better than they were decades ago, but let's be honest... most of us have dreams that far surpass being a house wife or being in "full time" ministry. Not that there is anything wrong with those things, but I think that God has more. Being raised in a Christian family or even growing up as a pastor's kid brings about this imaginary spotlight. You know when you feel that "look" when you walk into church. You put on your smile and try to seem bubbly, but in reality that's just not who you are and you're tired of the expectations of people dictating what you do and who you are.
Your 20's are not going to be picture perfect. In fact, sometimes it is going to suck... but what you will do is find out who you are. Drop the expectations. Say yes. Make your own mistakes. Learn from them. Travel. Explore. Love too much. Get your heart broken. Get back up again. See who God is for yourself.
The other stuff will come, eventually. I promise. But right now, just be you... and if you don't know who that is, find out.
"We either choose to become or resist becoming the people God wants us to be" - I want to choose to become.
