Dear Grandma,
Wow, its been over a year since you left us. I still long to hear your voice, to receive your birthday cards, to feel your gentle arms around me. Not one day goes by where I am not reminded of you.
I remember the last time we spoke on the phone. You had just been sent back to the hospital, and I was away at school. The day before, mom texted me to tell me you were back in the hospital, but you were OK. I didn't believe her, and I was angry she hadn't called me. So, when she called the next day to say you weren't doing well, I planned on coming home. I called you because I wanted you to know how much I needed you to fight. I said, "Hi, Grandma! How ya doing?" You said "Not too well, I'm tired." I tried to shake it off and say, "No, you're not, you'll be fine!"
You were a fighter, Grandma. I can't count how many times you beat all odds. All my life, I never once heard you complain. Well, that’s a lie, you ALWAYS had something to complain about: food, my driving ability, the temperature, but those things were small. You were just a stubborn woman who wanted things her way. After that phone call, I knew something was different this time.
The day you passed away, the entire family was there. We all sat around your hospital bed, reminiscing and comforting one another. I had never seen you so sick and so pale. I kept telling myself that you would fight your way through, but in my heart I knew this was it. When I left the hospital, you were still a few hours away from heaven, but I couldn't bring myself to accept that as the last time I would see you. I still can't.
In the 18 years we spent together, you taught me about strength, hope, adventure, education, love, independence, and most of all, family. Family was the most important thing in the world to you. On the morning of your funeral, I was stopped at the bank by a woman, a neighbor of yours. She asked if I was Zoey's granddaughter and proceeded to tell me how much you talked about me and how proud of me you were. This, however, I knew. You never failed to tell any of us how much you loved us.
There are some days where I think about all the memories we have together, and I wish I could relive them again. I long for all of the small memories — talks about the ghost at Brown University where you worked, stories about how you met Grandpa, and our hug that you claimed would warm your insides until the next time you saw us. You always said that you didn't think God wanted you in heaven because he kept sending you back; I think he knew how much we needed you.
I hope you are looking down proud of the children and grandchildren you raised. I am so thankful to have had such a strong and incredible woman to look up to. I pray you continue to watch over me as that sparrow in the sky. You are my hero and my guiding light.
I Love You Forever And Always,
Alison
