I want to write you a letter dad.Today marks 10 years since you're gone and I want you to know that just becouse I dont speak about you and I block all memories I have,doesnt mean I dont love you ,I do...I love you so much that my heart aches just with the slightest memory of you.And after all this time I still cant acknowledge the truth,I cant even put it into words and that should be the point of this but I can barely get the words out.

I miss you so much..

I want my dad back

I am 26 now,its been 10 years since you left me,and we never got the chance to say goodbye to eachother,we were both in hospital,but only one of us came out..

I still remember the day when I came back from my operation and opening the door to our house,seeing the mirrors covered...

I just froze,didnt want to think of it,couldnt and wouldnt want to belive,and thats when my brain just shut down,thats when my hole life dissapeared,the moment I opened the door to our home,our family was gone..

My daddy,my superhero and my mentor just vanished and I couldnt understand what that ment,it took me years to understand the pain and I was drowining in it.I became so lonely.

Years and years passed by and it felt like it didnt matter what I did,cuz it really didnt matter,none of what I did would,cuz you werent there with your support or there to congradulate me so what was the point in succeding at anything,I became this void of loneliness,I never trust anyone,I always keep my toughts to myself,I always overthink what people say,and I expect the worse in everything

My life went completely sideways without you,without your guidence,without your wisdom.

I barely am putting the pieces back together but nothing is as it should.

Im to young to live without you dad,I cant bare the tought that I wont see you for as long as I live ..

You shouldve been here,you shoulve been part of my life,you shouldve been there at my wedding and give your blessings,you shoulve been there to see your grandchildren even if they dont exist yet

I cant understand why did you left me so soon,when I needed you the most.

I am sad,but I want to be sad,I want everyone else to remotely feel the sadness that I feel,the pain that I bare everyday from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep.

Most people say that time heals all wounds that grief passes over time but thats not true,you can never recover from from this kind of pain,its like a void of sadness that only gets bigger and you cant do anything about it,its like a wound to the heart that never heals,its a pain that you have to learn to live with.

Everything that reminds me of you,of our time of our family makes me sad,I cant even listen to music from the 90' cuz I would burst to tears right away,cuz it reminds me of you and all the things we did,I cant look in the photobooks either cuz then I would see what it was like to have you next to me,thats why sometimes when I think about how it was back then and seeing myself now I feel like I am living this other life,cuz in that life I had everything and now I have nothing.

Somehow I hope that this would bring me closure and finally accept the fact that youre gone.I feel you in everything that I do,and somehow I know that you protect me from all the bad and the wrongs I encountered in my life,I am a fullfiled man becouse you were always behind my shoulder,and everytime I wished for something in some wierd way in the end I always got it and I always wispered thank you becouse I felt that you were the reason my wishes came true.I hope I get to see you after I am finished with this journey and an eternety alongside you wouldnt make up for all this time.

See you soon,your son .