I know I haven't seen you guys since I was born, but I want you to know that every day, I think about you. I was lucky that the family that adopted me has stayed together so I got to grow up with two parents. However, I like to think that I grew up with four. Even if you weren't with me physically, a part of you was still around. I know both of you didn't end up together and got married to other people, but I want to know - does that technically bring up the parent count to six now?
Every year when it's my birthday, do you think of me? Is July 9th a day that you celebrate silently?
I want you to know that I'm okay. I grew up in a good neighborhood on Long Island where I went to elementary school, middle school, and high school. Every summer I went to Poland to see my family and even got to go to camp. The first summer I went to camp, I cried because I couldn't read in Polish so I had no idea what the plan for the day was or what was for dinner. And that fall, my parents enrolled me in Polish school. I hated it. I grew up playing soccer and volleyball and made captain in high school. My favorite subjects in school were always math and science because I loved learning and problem-solving.
I always grew up thinking that I was going to meet you on my 18th birthday, but it came and went and I still don't know you.
Something stupid that depresses me sometimes is when I go to a doctor's office and they ask me about my family's medical history. I always say I was adopted so I don't know what was genetically passed down or what I'm at risk for.
Being adopted is unique because you have two pasts: your biological parents' and your adoptive parents.' Some adoptees are okay with not knowing about their biological parents and treat them like a simple sperm and egg donor, but I want to know. I want to know everything. Your likes, your dislikes… I grew up an only child so do I have half siblings? That would be really cool because playing Candyland was lonely growing up.
Not knowing anything about you besides being genetically related makes me feel like no matter what I learn about myself, or how many times I 'find' myself, I still have a little piece of the puzzle missing.
I love you. I don't know you.
Hopefully one day we will meet and I can tell you about everything and everyone that is important to me. I want to thank you for giving me up for adoption and not aborting me because you gave me a life that is worth living - even if you haven't been a part of it.